SP-ONSTAGE-OFFICIAL SCRIPT
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.

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            PRE-SET

                                                      LIGHT CUE: PRE-SET 

      1     SCENE 1: PROLOGUE

            Music cue #1 Sophisticated Boom Boom by Dead Or Alive 

            The audience is not allowed in to the theatre until the pre set
            lights and music are on.

                                                       CAMERA: HOLLYWOOD

            Pre show music plays while audience enters. A video camera
            onstage on a tripod focuses on a picture of the Hollywood
            sign. The camera is connected directly through a live feed to
            six TV monitors onstage. On the monitors we see whatever the
            camera is pointed at when the camera is on. Actor #1 who
            operates the camera must remember to have a working Hi-8 tape
            in the camera because each performances needs to be recorded.
            If there is no tape in the camera and the record button is
            not on then the camera will turn off after a few minutes and
            the camera needs to remain on for long stretches. The first
            image we see on the monitors is a picture of the famous
            Hollywood sign. When the show is ready to start, transfer
            to... 

            Music cue #2 Tell Me Why by Bronski Beat 

                                                 LIGHT CUE:FADE TO BLACK 

            As the lyrics begin we fade to black. PS#1 enters and goes to a
            directors chair center stage and Actor #1 goes behind him to
            operate the pre-set camera. As the music plays the monitors pan
            pictures of Hollywood. Finally the camera freezes on a
            skyscraper shot of LA and PS#1 starts his opening monologue. A#1
            and the camera should stay frozen during the PS#1 monologue
            because he will be in view of the audience. 

                                             LIGHT CUE: SPOTLIGHT CENTER 

      2     SCENE 2: ENEMA MONO 

            PS#1 is sitting in a director's chair. He is wearing only
            underwear. As music fades out he speaks...

                                PORN STAR #1
                      So, OK, listen to this.  We were shooting a
                      bathroom scene. There were three guys. And
                      the guy that, it was an enema scene.
                      And the guy that was being enemaed was some
                      straight boy, who'd never had an enema
                      before in his life. So they stick this
                      enema nozzle up this guy's butt, and they
                      turn it on. And they do something
                      called...oh, is it called duck tailing?
                      It's when the water comes out of the ass
                      like this, and they squirt it in people's
                      faces. I think it's called duck tailing or
                      something.  Anyway, it doesn't matter. So
                      they stick the nozzle up this guy and he
                      pushes it out.  But, he hasn't douched
                      beforehand. So this shit just goes
                      everywhere. All over the other actors, all
                      over the bathroom. Now, for me, I'd be
                      like, that's it, I'm out of here, you find
                      someone else. And, can you believe...it's
                      like, like they just cleaned up he bathroom
                      and carried on. And it still smelled, and
                      it's like...now how can you get hard after
                      that? I mean don't get me wrong. I bow to
                      them, these people, in astonishment, that
                      they could do it. But personally, I can't.
                      I would be, like, see ya.  But then, what
                      you have to remember is I wouldn't choose
                      to do an enema scene like that anyway.

      3     SCENE 3: NARRATOR MONO

            PS #1 exits the director's chair and the narrator, Actor #1,
            takes his place and begins speaking.

                                A#1
                      Four years ago in the fall of 1995, I moved
                      to Los Angeles to be a filmmaker. Shortly
                      after I arrived I met Gino Colbert and Chi
                      Chi Larue. Now I'd always been a really big
                      fan of porn and I'd seen alot of their
                      movies and I mentioned to Gino that I was
                      interested in making a film so he invited
                      to me one of his sets. And I went and it
                      was so boring. I sat down on this couch to
                      watch them film a scene a scene and I fell
                      asleep. And when I work up I thought to
                      myself, this is so fascinating. Who would
                      have thought that a porn shoot would be
                      boring, but it was. And I thought this
                      needs to be documented. So I decided to
                      make a movie, a documentary about how these
                      things are put together, a film about the
                      process of shooting porn.
                      So I bought a camera, I hired a crew and I
                      started shooting. Sometimes on the set I'd
                      even help out, I'd help set lights, or I'd
                      help run errands. And for one whole year I
                      was totally immersed in the world of adult
                      videos. At the end of that year I had a
                      documentary. This is my movie. I hope you
                      like it. 

            Music cue #3 Just Got Lucky by Jo Boxers

      4     SCENE 4: OPENING CREDITS 

                                                     LIGHT CUE: BATHROOM 

                                                      LIGHT CUE: BEDROOM 

                                                LIGHT CUE: CHAISE LOUNGE 

                                                     LIGHT CUE: BATHROOM 

                                                      LIGHT CUE: BEDROOM 

                                                LIGHT CUE: CHAISE LOUNGE 

            As the music plays, PS#2 appears on the bathroom set and
            begins shaving. Gino Colbert enters and starts setting up his
            bedroom scene. PS#3 enters and sits on the lounge chair and
            starts to oil his body up, and A#1 starts to film the opening
            credits. As he shoots the credits, they appear on the screen
            in the following order: 

            CARYN HORWITZ PRESENTS 

            A RONNIE LARSEN FILM 

            SHOOTING PORN 

            STARRING 

            JASON BRANCH

            BLAKE HARPER

            RONNIE LARSEN 

            GABRIEL MACEN 

            J.T. SLOAN 

            AND 

            GINO COLBERT 

            SHOOTING PORN 

            Please note that the names of the actors should be changed
            according to the people in the show. The monitor should stay
            frozen on the words SHOOTING PORN until indicated. Actor #1
            returns to the director's chair and resumes speaking. 

                                                LIGHT CUE: CENTER & WASH 

      5     SCENE 5: INTRO TO SETS

                                ACTOR #1
                      When you first come on the set, it's
                      usually like seven in the morning...believe
                      it or not these people wake-up very
                      early...the directors drag in and they're
                      tired... 

            Chi Chi rushes across the stage.

                                CHI
                      Hey girl, I'm here.

            A#1 leaves the director's chair and goes over to the bedroom
            set. 

                                                       LIGHT CUE: BEDROOM

                                GINO COLBERT
                      First scene is in the bedroom. I need a bed
                      and it needs to be strong because they're
                      gonna fuck on it.

                                A#1
                          (to Gino)
                      But, where is the scene gonna take place
                      with the pizza? Is that in the living room
                      or in the bedroom?

                                GINO
                      That's in the bedroom too.

                                A#1
                      See, I think that would be better off in
                      the living room because that's where
                      they're doing all the dialogue.

                                GINO
                      I can't have three way the living room.

                                A#1
                      Why?

                                GINO
                      Where are they gonna fuck in the living
                      room?

                                A#1
                      The couch.

                                GINO
                      No, they'll fall between cushions and
                      stuff. You can't, you can't,  you can't
                      have a three-way on a couch. 

            PS#1 enters with a backpack over his shoulder and heads
            toward the downstage table.

                                PS#1
                      Hey, Gino, I'm here!

                                                    LIGHT CUE: PROP TABLE

                                GINO
                      Hey Peter. Come here a second.

            Gino follows him down to the table and hands him the various
            things needed for the shoot. 

                                               CAMERA: BLACK/LENS COVERED

                                GINO (CONT'D)
                          (handing stuff to PS#1)
                      Can you give this to our production
                      manager.  All our supplies for the day.
                      Shaving creme, razors - I want everyone
                      clean shaven.  What else - lube, condoms.
                      Mouthwash. 
                      Fleet enemas and douches and if they don't
                      like Fleet, we also have Massengil
                      disposable douches.  I think we're set.

                                                      LIGHT CUE: BEDROOM 

      6     SCENE 6: MAKE-UP

                                A#1
                          (to audience)
                      Then they have the makeup, and this is not
                      your normal kind of makeup, either. This
                      is, uh, well, they have to get their
                      buttholes shaved, for example. And they
                      have to shave around, well...they have
                      to...

                                                      LIGHT CUE: BATHROOM

                                PORN STAR #2
                          (to audience)
                      Let me demonstrate...you have to shave, you
                      have to shave you know around the edges of
                      the penis because it makes you look bigger
                      if you have less hair around this area. And
                      then we have what they call a Hitler
                      mustache which...

                                                       LIGHT CUE: BEDROOM

                                A#1
                      Tom Katt and Marco Rossi, they're the best
                      at the Hitler mustaches.

                                                        LIGHT CUE: TABLE

                                PS#1
                      See what you have to do is...you have to
                      shave the little hairs around the base of
                      the penis to look like a little smile or
                      what people call a Hitler mustache. And
                      that makes you look a whole lot bigger.

                                                      LIGHT CUE: BATHROOM

                                PS #2
                      There was this one really scary incident on
                      a porn shoot. We were out at Lake
                      Arrowhead. We shot one scene. The porn star
                      did his scene. The next day he shows up and
                      he had a shaved crotch.
                      I mean there was no pubic hair there
                      whatsoever, and the make-up guy had no fake
                      hair to go on there. So he had to improvise
                      and cut up a brush and cut up his makeup
                      brushes and glue pubic hair on to make it
                      look as close as possible. And during the
                      sex scene, tufts of hair were flying off
                      all over the place. It was a total
                      disaster.

                                                 LIGHT CUE: GENERAL WASH 

      7     SCENE 7: INTRO TO CHI-CHI'S SET 

            Chi Chi enters followed by A#1 with the video camera. Now we
            see Chi Chi's face on the monitors as well. Chi Chi is not in
            drag here. 

                                                       CAMERA: ON CHI CHI

                                CHI
                      Put it away please.

                                A#1
                      Say something funny.
                          (Chi Chi rolls her eyes)
                      Say something.

                                CHI
                      I just got up.

                                A#1
                      Come on you're the star.

                                CHI
                      I do not want people watching me eat.

                                A#1
                      Just say something to all your fans out
                      there.

                                CHI
                      Hi darlings!

                                A#1
                      Are you excited about filming today?

                                CHI
                          (into camera)
                      I love every day, I love everyone.

                                A#1
                      And how'd you find this house to shoot in?

                                CHI
                      You don't stop, do you? Okay, a mutual
                      friend sent me pictures, and I was like,
                      "oh my god, this house is fabulous" And
                      come here honey look at this view of
                      downtown we got. Yeah, we're gonna do a
                      night shoot by the pool with all the city
                      lights behind us.  It's gonna be amazing.

                                A#1
                      What's the name of the film?

                                CHI
                      It's called "Under Covers".

                                A#1
                      "Under Covers"?

                                CHI
                      Yes, girl, "Under Covers" - very
                      scandalous.

                                A#1
                      And are any famous people fans of your
                      work?

                                CHI
                      John Waters and Mark Almond. And I'm really
                      good friends with RuPaul. I send her
                      movies, and she'll call me up to talk about
                      them, like we're talking about makeup.

                                A#1
                      How often do you do drag?

                                CHI
                      Too much, you know like if I wanna go
                      somewhere fun like a party or premiere, I
                      have to do drag or I don't get noticed at
                      all. I'm just the fat boy in the corner
                      with no drag on.  So, you've gotta dress
                      up, bitch.

                                A#1
                      And do you get turned on while your
                      directing your movies?

                                CHI
                      People always ask me that. No, girl,
                      they're my friends.  It's not like I sit
                      behind the monitor thinking, "Oh my God,
                      he's so hot - I wanna suck his cock".
                      Please, girl, I do not get turned on.

                                A#1
                      And you don't direct in drag?

                                CHI
                      Yes, girl, I direct all my movies in drag.
                      I get up at five o'clock every morning and
                      slap on false eyelashes and a big ole wig
                      so I can tell the boys how to eat ass.
                      Please. I'm gonna tell you honestly, I
                      cannot imagine being in heels that long.

      8     SCENE 8: TRYING ON SPEEDOS-CHI CHI'S SET 

            PS#2 comes out wearing yellow speedos, and models them for Chi
            Chi and A#1. In his hands, he's holding an orange pair and a
            grey pair. 

                                           LIGHT CUE: ADD LIGHT FOR PS#2 

                                                            CAMERA: PS#2

                                PS#2
                          (interrupting A#1 and CHI)
                      Guys, what do you think?

                                CHI
                      Oh, girl, you look like a traffic sign. I
                      don't like those.  What else do you have
                      for me?

                                PS#2
                      I've got grey and black.

                                CHI CHI
                      OK, let me see the grey and if not those,
                      we'll go to the black.  But definitely not
                      the yellow.

                                PS#2
                      I personally think black is my color. What
                      do you think?

                                A#1
                      You want the grey cause you're more toward
                      the winter spectrum.  Have you ever had
                      your colors done?

                                PS#2
                      What do you mean like to find out if I'm a
                      winter or a fall or...

                                CHI
                      Wait girl, you had your colors done?

                                A#1
                      Yeah, I found out I'm an autumn so I try to
                      stay in plaids.

                                CHI
                      Interesting.  Oh no not the grey, you look
                      like a gay Buck Rogers. You know what, try
                      the black. If those don't work, go back to
                      the yellow but not the grey.

                                PS#2
                      Oh, yeah. Let me put these on. He tries the
                      new ones on.

                                PS#2 (CONT'D)
                      Are they okay in the back.

                                A#1
                      Perfect.

                                CHI
                      Yeah, you know what, girl, you're probably
                      a winter, uh-huh.

      9     SCENE 9: DIALOGUE SEQUENCE-BOTH SETS 

            Gino enters.

                                GINO
                      Unfortunately, a lot of writing goes on
                      just minutes before the shoot. 

            They quickly establish two different sets, one directed by
            Gino and one by Chi Chi. The camera focuses on whichever set
            is active. The actors on the set that is not active should be
            frozen so as not to steel focus. 

                                                LIGHT CUE: CHAISE LOUNGE 

            Chi Chi set.

                                CHI
                      Okay.  Listen to me and I'll tell you
                      everything you're supposed to say.  You
                      hold the phone up like this, be really
                      excited, and just like this say, "You're
                      not going to believe this, Darrell. He's
                      taking me to a strip club."

                                PS#3
                          (reciting stiffly)
                      "You're not going to believe this, Darrell.
                      He's taking me to a strip club."

                                CHI
                      Okay, girl, we need to work on that.

                                            LIGHT CUE: WEIGHT BENCH AREA 

            Gino's set.

                                GINO
                      Guys, when you walk in, you're going to
                      take one step down. And then you're going
                      to say to him, "My sister's asleep
                      upstairs," and then say, "Shhh" and then
                      say, "What".

                                PS#1
                      What?

                                GINO
                      You say, "What."

                                PS#1
                      Oh. You want me to say, "what".

                                PS#2
                      Yeah, you say, "what?"

                                GINO
                      You say, "What!"

                                PS#1
                      Alright, I'll say "what!"

                                                LIGHT CUE: CHAISE LOUNGE 

            Chi Chi's set.

                                PS#3
                      "You know, a Tittie bar"

                                CHI
                      Cut, cut, cut.  Girl, wake up, be really
                      excited.  Do it just like I tell you,
                      "You're not going to believe this Darryl,
                      he's taking me to a strip club."  OK, go.

                                            LIGHT CUE: WEIGHT BENCH AREA 

            Gino's set.

                                PS#2
                      Like take a beat?

                                PS#1
                      Oh, well this is all new information.

                                GINO
                      Right. You know Leisure Time's sets before. 
                      You know we don't use scripts. We don't
                      want stories.  What do we want?

                                PS1 & PS2
                      Hot sex!

                                                LIGHT CUE: CHAISE LOUNGE 

            Chi Chis' set.

                                PS#3
                      "You know, a tittie bar? Girls everywhere.
                      It's gonna be a wild night. At least for me
                      anyway."

                                CHI
                      Girl, that was good.

                                                 LIGHT CUE: GENERAL WASH 

            They all freeze except for PS#2 who starts speaking in to the
            camera. All of the following monologues are done into the
            camera. The actors should start speaking right away even though
            it may take the camera man a few seconds to refocus the camera
            on them. 

     10     SCENE 10: FIRST TIME STORIES

                                PS#2
                      I'll never forget the first movie I did. I
                      was working with somebody who was really
                      big - he had a huge dick. So I was very
                      nervous, and it was my first time doing a
                      film. And it took a lot longer than I
                      thought it would.

                                PS#1
                      I'll tell you, it's scary at first. I mean
                      I've always been somewhat of an
                      exhibitionist so having people around me
                      while I was having sex wasn't that much of
                      a big deal. As a matter of fact on my first
                      set I worked with Joey Stefano. And by that
                      time I already knew who Joey Stefano was so
                      I was laying there in bed going "Joey
                      Stefano, Joey Stefano", you know what am I
                      going to do? In he walked and I thought,
                      gee my first film and I'm working with a
                      major star.  And he kept winking his
                      butthole at me, I remember that.

                                PS#3
                      The first set was a horror story.  I had
                      twenty guys standing around with cameras
                      and lights and things, and I'm supposed to
                      get turned on by that?  And I got two other
                      queens standing there, and they're turned
                      on, and I'm like "wake up, man, wake up."

                                CHI
                      You know, when I first started, a lot of
                      people were like, "Oh my god, a drag
                      queen." You know. What does a drag queen
                      know about boy sex?  Well, when I peel all
                      my make-up off, there's still a boy
                      underneath there somewhere, you know.
                      So...you know...I have a filthy fucking
                      mind. I can come up with nasty things to
                      put in videos.  I, you know, I, know how to
                      have sex. Damn it.

                                PS#2
                      And it included dildos. Now, I don't really
                      play that much with dildos, but I had to
                      do, uh, I had to get it, you know, with the
                      dildo.
                      And then in the end, you know, the dialogue
                      at the end, after the sex is over, I had to
                      look at my boyfriend and say, "Next time
                      you bring a dildo home, make sure it's a
                      large one." And it was a large one. And
                      then I had to get it and throw it over my
                      shoulder out the window. Well, first it was
                      humiliating saying that line, but then I
                      kept missing the window.

                                PS#3
                      First time I thought my dick's broke.
                      What's wrong with it? Something's wrong.
                      I've never had it happen before. It's gotta
                      be broke.

                                GINO
                          (to audience)
                      From time to time on the porn movies,
                      there's hard-on problems. And most of the
                      problems revolve around newcomers...

                                                     CAMERA: STAY ON PS#3

                                PS#2
                          (to audience)
                      ...because if a guy hasn't done a movie
                      before...

                                PS#1
                          (to audience)
                      ...there's a good chance...

                                CHI
                          (to audience)
                      there's a fifty-fifty chance...

                                PS#1
                          (to audience)
                      ...he's gonna to take a long time.

                                                LIGHT CUE: CHAISE LOUNGE 

            All exit except PS#3 & A#1, who is still filming. 

            Music cue #4 Major Tom by Peter Schilling 

            The music starts loud but the drops down so we can hear the next
            speech and when he is done the music volume raises again until
            the next set piece is in place.

                                PS#3
                          (to camera)
                      It just wasn't the best first experience.
                      If I didn't have that strong of a will to
                      continue I probably wouldn't have. I
                      couldn't do anything. I couldn't get hard,
                      I couldn't, I couldn't even cum.

                                                       LIGHT CUE: BLACK 

                                                   CAMERA: BLUE MONITORS 

                                           LIGHT CUE: CENTER & DARK WASH 

     11     SCENE 11: TRYING TO GET HARD-GINO'S SET

            As the music plays, the monitors go to blue and the set for this
            next scene is rolled on. After the actors are in place, the
            lights come up, A#1 turns on his camera and they begin.

                                GINO
                      We want to make a really nice box, so smile
                      at all times! Let them know you had a good
                      time doing the scene. Suck in your gut,
                      straighten your legs, cheek to camera.
                      Don't lean back too much or you'll knock
                      over the drop. You're gonna pose for that
                      camera right there, that's your audience.
                      Okay, get hard.

                                PS#3
                      Are you going to film me while I'm getting
                      hard?

                                GINO
                      Yes.

                                PS#3
                      Oh, man.

            He tries to get hard but he can't. 5 beats.

                                GINO
                      Are you about ready?

                                PS#3
                      Can I have just another minute, please?

                                GINO
                      Sure.

                                PS#3
                      Thank you.

            He keeps trying to get hard. 5 more beats.

                                GINO
                      A couple of shots semi-hard will be okay.

                                PS#3
                      I'll just get like hard, hard, hard. 

            And he is still trying. 5 beats.

                                PS#2
                      Usually directors are like "get hard, now." 
                      Most of the time they give you enough time
                      to do that, but sometimes they get
                      impatient. 

            Gino approaches him to arrange underwear.

                                GINO
                      You know what, we have a lot to shoot
                      today. What can we do to help you out?

                                PS#3
                      A Hustler magazine would be nice.

                                GINO
                      Ah, some straight porn.  OK. 

            He hands him a straight magazine off the prop table. 

            PS#3 turns his back to the audience and continues to jack
            off.

                                GINO (CONT'D)
                      Here you go... A reverse shot like this. I
                      like that underwear. Let's pull it down.
                      That will be our reverse shot. Okay, work
                      on that dick. 

            PS#3 continues to try and get hard.

                                GINO   (CONT'D)
                          (to audience)
                      You know what, I don't use stunt dicks on
                      my sets.  A lot of companies do because
                      they may find a model with a great face,
                      perfect body, but he can't get it up. So,
                      they use somebody else's dick for the
                      actual penetration.

                                A#1
                      Directors are usually called on it when a
                      stunt cock is used. It's one of the most
                      horrific things because word spreads like
                      wildfire when a model can't get it up. 

            Gino goes up to the PS#3 to pose him some more.

                                GINO
                      You know what, I know exactly how to get
                      through this. Let's get rid of that
                      magazine.  Okay, turn around. Grab your
                      cock by the base really tight and squeeze
                      it. Pull it out, lower your pants a bit.
                      Straighten your legs. Smile. Come on.
                      Alright, you know what, left hand like
                      this, right behind the head. That's your
                      audience, the camera. Let's see the show.
                      Good, I like that. That's perfect, that's
                      great.

            Music cue #5 Major Tom by Peter Schilling continues 

                                                  LIGHT CUE: CENTER SPOT 

            All freeze for 5 beats while the song goes, 5-4-3-2-1 then they
            exit and the set is rolled off. 

                                                CAMERA: PS#1 IN BATHROOM 

                                                     LIGHT CUE: BATHROOM 

            The set wheels off and the lights come up on the bathroom and
            the music fades out. 
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