MyBoyfriendtheStripper
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         4     SCENE:  LARRY TEACHES CLASS                              4

                                   LARRY
                         The thing that strikes me most is
                         the prevalence of sex.  Now, I know
                         that sex sells, I'm not so naēve as
                         to not recognize that, but I mean
                         it's everywhere.  Just look through
                         something as innocuous as the Gay
                         Yellow Pages.  Why is it necessary
                         to have a picture of a half naked
                         guy in an ad for a car dealership? 
                         And it's in virtually every ad
                         dentists, hardware stores, lawyers
                         "Ooh, he's hot, I want him to
                         represent me in my DUI case."  I
                         know people who actually bought a
                         Dell computer because they thought
                         that Dell kid was "cute".  I mean,
                         we are adults, are we not?  We're
                         not 13 anymore.  All I'm suggesting
                         is that perhaps it is time to leave
                         our adolescence behind once and for
                         all.  As it stands I think  we can
                         look safely around us, at what
                         passes for gay culture these days,
                         the drugs, the porn, the gym
                         mentality, and we can say, "What
                         the hell happened?"

               Music cue-

         5     SCENE: YOGA CLASS                                        5

               As the music plays, one by one all the actors enter and begin
               stretching. As the first actor enters, Bud exits, does a
               quick change off stage and re-enters for the class. Once
               Gavin enters the aerobic class begins. Musical sequence.

                                   GAVIN
                         Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.  Let go. 
                         Don't hold on.  Let go.  Let it all
                         go.  Repeat after me.  I am
                         cleansed.

                                   ALL
                         I am cleansed.

                                   GAVIN
                         I am energy.

                                   ALL
                         I am energy.

                                   BUD
                         I am fucking exhausted.

                                   ALL
                         I am fucking exhausted.

               After the class all the men put the room back
               together....Adam gets dressed for work and PETER gives
               David's phone number to Bud.

         6     SCENE: ADAM GETS FLOWERS AT HIS OFFICE                   6

               Adam walks in to his office, he is just coming back from yoga
               holding a duffel bag, he sees a bouquet of flowers on his
               desk. He opens the card to the flowers, reads it, smiles, he
               suspects they are from David, he goes to his phone and makes
               a call. David appears answering the phone.

                                   DAVID
                         Hello.

                                   ADAM
                         Hey David, it's me, Adam.

                                   DAVID
                         Hey, how was your lunch?

                                   ADAM
                         What lunch?

                                   DAVID
                         Weren't you at lunch?

                                   ADAM
                         No. I was at yoga.

                                   DAVID
                         Your secretary said you were at
                         lunch.

                                   ADAM
                         That's what I tell him to say. I
                         don't want people knowing I do
                         yoga. It's too Gwyneth Paltrow. So
                         listen, I got flowers today...

                                   DAVID
                         You did?

                                   ADAM
                         Yes, I did, and the card says from
                         a secret admirer, is that you by
                         any chance?

                                   DAVID
                         I have no idea what you're talking
                         about.

                                   ADAM
                         I don't believe you.

               They laugh. Beat.

                                   DAVID
                         So, what are you doing now?

                                   ADAM
                         I'm working.

                                   DAVID
                         How boring!

                                   ADAM
                         I know.

                                   DAVID
                         Come over, leave early.

                                   ADAM
                         I can't.

                                   DAVID
                         You know, I can still smell you
                         from last night.

                                   ADAM
                         Come again? I mean excuse me?

                                   DAVID
                         Sit on the desk.

                                   ADAM
                         David, not now, I'm working?

                                   DAVID
                         Adam, listen to me. Are you
                         listening?

                                   ADAM
                         Yes.

                                   DAVID
                         Sit...on...the desk.

                                   ADAM
                         David?

                                   DAVID
                         Right now.
                             (he does)
                         Did you do it?

                                   ADAM
                         Yes.

                                   DAVID
                         Undo your pants.

                                   ADAM
                         You're making me so hard.

                                   DAVID
                         Put your hand down your pants.

                                   ADAM
                         David...

                                   DAVID
                         Do it. Now! Stroke it.
                             (he does)
                         Are you stroking yourself?

                                   ADAM
                         Yes.

                                   DAVID
                         Are you?

                                   ADAM
                         Yes.

                                   DAVID
                         Don't lie to me.

                                   ADAM
                         I'm not.

                                   DAVID
                         Are you hard?

                                   ADAM
                         Are you kidding me?

                                   DAVID
                         Stroke that cock and don't you dare
                         drop the phone, hear my voice, see
                         my face. God you look hot. I've
                         fantasized about fucking you on
                         your desk Mr. Executive. Coming
                         around from behind you when you are
                         on the phone. Unbuckling your belt,
                         you try to turn around but I don't
                         let you. Close your eyes and don't
                         look back. I bend you over the
                         desk.

                                   ADAM
                         Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh
                         My God.

               Peter enters and stands inside the door, shocked but can't
               look away.

               Adam sees Peter.

                                   ADAM (CONT'D)
                         OH MY GOD!!!

               Peter runs out.

                                   ADAM (CONT'D)
                             (frantic)
                         Somebody just walked in! Listen, I
                         gotta go! Oh My God! I'll call you
                         later!!! PETER, PETER, PETER...

               He opens the door to reveal Peter standing in the doorway
               shocked.

                                   ADAM (CONT'D)
                         Peter, honestly, how much did you
                         see?

                                   PETER
                         You're such a slut!

               Adam slams door on Peter, Peter re-opens it.

                                   PETER (CONT'D)
                         I am so jealous.

               Again, Adam slams door on Peter, Peter re-opens it.

                                   PETER (CONT'D)
                         So who was on the phone?

                                   ADAM
                         It is none of your business.

                                   PETER
                         I didn't know you had such a big
                         cock.

                                   ADAM
                         Shut up Peter.

                                   PETER
                         Was it one of those 900 lines?

                                   ADAM
                         Oh, God no.

                                   PETER
                         I had no idea you were into that..

                                   ADAM
                         Okay, do you promise not to tell?

                                   PETER
                         Adam, I'm your best friend.  I'll
                         tell everyone.

                                   ADAM
                         It was the stripper.

                                   PETER
                         The stripper?

                                   ADAM
                         Yes.  From last night.  I know,
                         it's so weird.  He stayed over. 
                         That was him on the phone.  He
                         seems to like me, although I don't
                         know why.

                                   PETER
                         Would you cut that out.  He likes
                         you because he does.

                                   ADAM
                         But look at him, and look at me.

                                   PETER
                         Not everyone cares about that
                         stuff.  You're funny, you've got a
                         great personality.

                                   ADAM
                         Okay, now you sound like my mother.

                                   PETER
                         Well someone obviously has to
                         because I can't believe you spent
                         the night with a hustler.

                                   ADAM
                         It wasn't not like that.

                                   PETER
                         He's an escort Adam.  Wake up.  I
                         found him in the yellow pages.

                                   ADAM
                         He didn't charge me.

                                   PETER
                         He's still a whore.  He's a walking
                         Petri dish.

               David and Bud enter and start getting ready for the photo
               shoot.

                                   ADAM
                         Don't say that..

                                   PETER
                         Adam.  You deserve some fun.  God
                         knows at least one of us does.  But
                         I thought you wanted a boyfriend. I
                         thought you wanted something
                         serious.

                                   ADAM
                         I do want that.

                                   PETER
                         But you don't find a husband in the
                         yellow pages.  You don't go
                         shopping for a Mercedes at a Toyota
                         dealership.

                                   ADAM
                         He's not a Toyota.

                                   PETER
                         No he's a taxi.  He'll give anybody
                         a ride.  You can't date a hustler.

         7     SCENE: BUDS PHOTO SHOOT                                  7

               Bud is getting ready to pose for David.

                                   BUD
                         David Cassidy Beckworth.  That's my
                         name.  I know, I know.  What can I
                         say?  My mom was a fucking
                         Partridge groupie.

                                   DAVID
                         So how did you get the nickname
                         Bud?

                                   BUD
                         From my first and only boyfriend,
                         Danny.  We were together for two
                         years.

                                   DAVID
                         He gave you that name?

                                   BUD
                         Kind of.  We were together for six
                         months before he started dealing. 
                         At first it was just pot then it
                         was whatever he could get his hands
                         on.  E, G, K-anything with one
                         initial.  Oh, then the big
                         one….crystal.  About six months
                         after that we were always fucked
                         up.  Until I finally got sick of
                         being out of control all the time
                         so I stopped-or tried to stop. 
                         Danny didn't like getting high by
                         himself se he'd always try to get
                         me to join him.  "Come on, just one
                         bump….just do one bump….just this
                         once and I 'll never ask again." 
                         Every other night it was the same
                         fucking thing.  So, one night we
                         were at the bar and it was the same
                         old shit and I told him that I
                         wasn't in the mood.  So I went to
                         the bathroom and when I came back I
                         saw him pour something into my beer
                         and I just freaked.  I picked up
                         the bottle and smashed it and held
                         the broken end to his face and I
                         screamed, "Leave me the fuck alone,
                         Danny.  I never want to see your
                         fucking face again."  He was
                         totally shocked.  I was totally
                         shocked.  It was like all the air
                         had gone out of the room.  Everyone
                         was staring.  Finally, he just
                         turned around and left.  The rest
                         of the bar kind of steered clear of
                         me that night.  And it was great
                         because I'd never won before.  Not
                         with him.  But it also sucked
                         because I did love him.  And I
                         probably still do. And after that
                         everyone kept calling me Bud cause
                         it was a broken Budweiser bottle I
                         was holding.
                         And then every time I came to the
                         bar, I'd walk in and they'd say the
                         same thing, "watch out, here comes
                         Bud" or they'd grab my butt and
                         say, "I need a Bud."  Or someone
                         would pick me up and say, "oh it's
                         a Bud-lite." And after a while it
                         just stuck.  I just wish it was a
                         little more fabulous, like Corona.   
                         Ah, well, I don't want to talk
                         about him any more.  I'm trying to
                         forget about him.  I want to move
                         on, I really do. But Danny did
                         something to me….I don't know…have
                         you ever met someone who just
                         ruined you for love?

         8     SCENE:  GAVIN AND PETER AT THE RESTAURANT                8

                                   GAVIN
                         I think I'm in love.

                                   PETER
                         Seriously?  With who?

                                   GAVIN
                         With Bud.

                                   PETER
                         Bud?  Irresponsible Bud?  Bud, the
                         student?

                                   GAVIN
                         No, Bud, the person.

                                   PETER
                         He's a student.  He's broke.

                                   GAVIN
                         I don't care about that.  Weren't
                         you a starving student when you met
                         Larry?  Look how great you turned
                         out.

                                   PETER
                         Yeah, look how great we turned out.

                                   GAVIN
                         You know, I've been single for so
                         long and I'm sick of it.  If I'm so
                         willing and open, and, you know,
                         ready for a boyfriend,  then  why
                         is nothing  coming to me?  It's so
                         frustrating! 
                         So, I went for a run last night.  I
                         ran for miles, just thinking and
                         thinking.   And you know what came
                         to me? Proust!  Proust said, "The
                         real voyage of discovery consists
                         not in seeking new landscapes, but
                         in having new eyes."

                                   PETER
                         You read Proust?

                                   GAVIN
                         No. I read it in Oprah magazine.

                                   PETER
                         You read Oprah Magazine?

                                   GAVIN
                         I love it.

                                   PETER
                         She's on every cover!

                                   GAVIN
                         That's why it's called Oprah
                         Magazine.  It's very inspiring! You
                         and Larry should get it.

                                   PETER
                         Oh, please!  You know how Larry
                         feels about anything remotely "too
                         gay".

                                   GAVIN
                         I wish he would just get over that. 
                         He teaches a gay studies class now,
                         for God's sake.

                                   PETER
                         I know!  But it's all very serious
                         and academic.  I just wish he would
                         go crazy sometime and, I don't
                         know, rent a porno and go to the
                         fucking white party?

                                   GAVIN
                         We should surprise him some night
                         and kidnap him and force him to a
                         drag show.

                                   PETER
                         Oh my God, I think he'd go into
                         cardiac arrest.

                                   GAVIN
                         Did I tell you that I entered a
                         drag contest once?

                                   PETER
                         No you never told me that.

                                   GAVIN
                         It was Halloween.  I didn't win. 
                         They said I had to shave my
                         armpits.  Can you believe that?  I
                         was so offended.

         9     SCENE: BUD AND LARRY AT SCHOOL                           9

               Bud and Larry are sitting on the desk talking.

                                   LARRY
                         I can't fathom why you would
                         possibly want to pose naked for
                         someone.

                                   BUD
                         I just did it for fun.  Just think,
                         I'll be immortalized forever.  When
                         I'm 80, I can dig the pictures out
                         and say, "Damn, I was hot."

                                   LARRY
                         It's just so typical.

                                   BUD
                         What does that mean?

                                   LARRY
                         It means that this David person is
                         probably just getting off taking
                         pictures of hot young guys.  Do you
                         really think he'd want to take
                         naked pictures of me?

                                   BUD
                         I'm sure he would.  He made the
                         offer to all of us at Adam's party.

                                   LARRY
                         Open your eyes, Bud.  The only way
                         to get noticed in this day and age
                         is to be young, muscular, and to
                         have your cock hanging out.

                                   BUD
                         Geez, Larry, you're a bundle of
                         laughs today.

                                   LARRY
                         No, you're missing the point.  Did
                         we really go through Stonewall and
                         years of oppression for the right
                         to get strung out on crystal meth
                         and have a circle jerk in a public
                         bathroom?  You're right, I'm not a
                         bundle of laughs today.  I'm just
                         profoundly disappointed in us…in
                         all of us.  When I was younger I
                         was really into comic books.  I
                         know, it's true.  I was just a
                         regular kid.  I collected them all
                         at one point or another; but my
                         favorite was The Justice League.  I
                         was so taken with the fact that
                         Superman, Batman,and  Wonder Woman
                         could put aside their personal
                         differences for the purpose of
                         saving the world.  How great is
                         that?  And now my entire adult
                         perceptions are molded by these
                         rigid, two-dimensional ideals.  I
                         don't know,  I just wish we'd think
                         of something other than our cocks.

                                   BUD
                         Well, Larry, I know for a fact that
                         you like to think of my cock. 
                         Especially when I'm fucking your
                         face.

                                   LARRY
                         Bud, that's different.

                                   BUD
                         How is it different?

                                   LARRY
                         I'm your teacher.

        10     SCENE: THE CAFE                                         10

               Peter and Gavin are at a table at Gavin's cafe.

                                   PETER
                         He doesn't even pay attention to me
                         anymore. 
                         It's like I'm not even there.  I
                         think he's having an affair.

                                   GAVIN
                         Oh, come on. I'm sure Larry is not
                         having an affair.

                                   PETER
                         Oh please. We haven't had sex in
                         months

                                   GAVIN
                         For real?

                                   PETER
                         For real.  I am so jealous of 
                         these fags that just go into bushes
                         and get off any time they want.  I
                         just can't work up the nerve.

                                   GAVIN
                         It's not always so satisfying.

                                   PETER
                         Are you kidding? What could be more
                         satisfying? Sex. Pure unfiltered
                         sex. What's wrong with me?

                                   GAVIN
                         First of all, there's a lot more to
                         sex than just getting off.

                                   PETER
                         Well I'm horny and Larry ain't
                         doing it. I think if I just could
                         have sex on my own things would be
                         a lot better.

                                   GAVIN
                         Maybe, you should talk to a
                         therapist.

                                   PETER
                         Fuck that. I'm done talking. Talk.
                         Talk. Talk. I'm sick of processing.
                         I just want to fuck and get fucked
                         pure and simple. Wham bam thank you
                         ma'am.

                                   GAVIN
                         Why don't you place an ad?

                                   PETER
                         A personal ad?  I couldn't. 
                         Really?  You think?  What would I
                         say?

                                   GAVIN
                         Aggressive bottom seeks sleazy slut
                         for sex, sex, sex.

                                   PETER
                         Can you say that ten times fast?

                                   GAVIN
                             (fast)
                         Aggressive bottom seeks Sleazy Slut
                         for sex, sex, sex.

                                   PETER
                         Very good.

        11     SCENE:  LARRY TEACHES CLASS                             11

                                   LARRY
                         As we move into the section on gay
                         theatre and gay cinema I think we
                         need to follow each back to their
                         beginnings which can both be,
                         arguably, traced back to the early
                         80s.  Films and plays like Parting
                         Glances, As Is, Longtime
                         Comopanion, and The Normal Heart
                         all have the common theme of AIDS
                         and were as much a reaction to what
                         was happening when the disease was
                         new as anything.  Even a "romantic
                         comedy" like Jeffrey throws in an
                         AIDS subplot.  Pretty soon it
                         became just another plot point,
                         it's own sub-genre like musicals or
                         action flicks.  "Here comes another
                         AIDS movie" until we tired of the
                         whole thing and moved on.  And what
                         we've moved on to are things like
                         Trick and The Fluffer-and the less
                         we say about that, the better. 
                         What's really intriguing to me is
                         that the lesbians seem to have
                         gotten it right, in films anyway,
                         as there is still a surprising lack
                         of lesbian theatre.  In most
                         lesbian comedies romance is the
                         key, disease and sex don't take
                         center stage. 
                         Kissing Jessica Stein is a good
                         example of a film where nothing
                         much happens except that two girls
                         fall in love.  What I would like to
                         see is what used to be called an
                         "entertainment".  A sweet story in
                         which nothing much happens except
                         that that two healthy men fall in
                         love.

        12     SCENE: ADAM AND DAVID'S SECOND DATE-DAVID'S HOUSE       12

               David and Adam enter on the second Aggressive Bottom line so
               that they are both at the door ready for the next scene.

               Adam knocks, David answers the door and Adam enters.

                                   ADAM
                         Excuse me? Are you the Ass-Pounding
                         Porn Star seeking casual encounters
                         but maybe more.

                                   DAVID
                         Are you the cubbish cocksucking
                         executive seeking fun times, fine
                         dining and walks on the beach?

                                   ADAM
                         That's me.

                                   DAVID
                         Come on in.

                                   ADAM
                         Wow. This is where you live? I feel
                         like I'm in Aaron Spelling's house
                         or something. It's so fancy.
                             (they kiss)
                         You know the last time I saw you,
                         you were dressed as a cop.

                                   DAVID
                         You look good.

                                   ADAM
                         Thank you. So do you.

                                   DAVID
                         You look like you're in the gay
                         mafia.

                                   ADAM
                         It's my power suit. Do I look
                         powerful?

                                   DAVID
                         You look uncomfortable.

                                   ADAM
                         I am.

                                   DAVID
                         Take off your jacket. Relax.

               ADAM takes off his jacket.

                                   DAVID (CONT'D)
                         Now, you look like a gay Kevin
                         Spacey.

                                   ADAM
                         That's redundant.

                                   DAVID
                             (they kiss)
                         You're funny.

                                   ADAM
                         Well, thank you.

                                   DAVID
                         You wanna dance?

                                   ADAM
                         Uh….sure.  I'd love to.

               David goes off-stage to put on a CD. He comes back and they
               begin to slow dance.

               Music Cue-

                                   DAVID
                         You really know how to move.

                                   ADAM
                         Not as good as you.

               They continue to slow dance.

                                   DAVID
                         You wanna drink?

                                   ADAM
                         I'd love one.

                                   DAVID
                         Be right back.

                                   ADAM
                         So, is this where you do all your
                         photography?

                                   DAVID
                         Just for now, until I get a studio.

                                   ADAM
                         I'd love to see your photos. If you
                         don't mind?

                                   DAVID
                         I don't show many people. I get
                         kind of embarrassed. I'm not a
                         Mapplethorpe or anything. But
                         eventually I hope to have a book
                         published. Like one of those big
                         coffee table books.

                                   ADAM
                         I'd buy it.

                                   DAVID
                         These are a few.

               Gives him a photo album.

                                   DAVID (CONT'D)
                         I have about 600.

               ADAM looks and comments on each photo.

                                   ADAM
                         Wow. Wow. Wow. These are amazing.
                         Wow. That's funny. That's hot. Wow.
                         David, you're really good. You
                         should submit these to magazines.

                                   DAVID
                         Oh please, Adam, who's gonna
                         publish a picture of a fag with a
                         shaved head and a bone through his
                         nose? Would your magazine publish
                         it?

                                   ADAM
                         Probably not.

                                   DAVID
                         See.

                                   ADAM
                         You could self-publish.

                                   DAVID
                         How does that work?

                                   ADAM
                         Oh it's easy.

                                   DAVID
                         So, lets do it.

                                   ADAM
                         Do what?

                                   DAVID
                         Let's publish these.  If it's so
                         easy. If you really think

               they'd make a great book...let's do it. I've got some money
               saved up. Let's do it.  Seriously.  You said you hate your
               job. Just take six months off.

                                   ADAM
                         Six months off?  I can't take six
                         months off.
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Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.