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4 SCENE: LARRY TEACHES CLASS 4
The thing that strikes me most is
the prevalence of sex. Now, I know
that sex sells, I'm not so naēve as
to not recognize that, but I mean
it's everywhere. Just look through
something as innocuous as the Gay
Yellow Pages. Why is it necessary
to have a picture of a half naked
guy in an ad for a car dealership?
And it's in virtually every ad
dentists, hardware stores, lawyers
"Ooh, he's hot, I want him to
represent me in my DUI case." I
know people who actually bought a
Dell computer because they thought
that Dell kid was "cute". I mean,
we are adults, are we not? We're
not 13 anymore. All I'm suggesting
is that perhaps it is time to leave
our adolescence behind once and for
all. As it stands I think we can
look safely around us, at what
passes for gay culture these days,
the drugs, the porn, the gym
mentality, and we can say, "What
the hell happened?"
5 SCENE: YOGA CLASS 5
As the music plays, one by one all the actors enter and begin
stretching. As the first actor enters, Bud exits, does a
quick change off stage and re-enters for the class. Once
Gavin enters the aerobic class begins. Musical sequence.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Let go.
Don't hold on. Let go. Let it all
go. Repeat after me. I am
I am cleansed.
I am energy.
I am energy.
I am fucking exhausted.
I am fucking exhausted.
After the class all the men put the room back
together....Adam gets dressed for work and PETER gives
David's phone number to Bud.
6 SCENE: ADAM GETS FLOWERS AT HIS OFFICE 6
Adam walks in to his office, he is just coming back from yoga
holding a duffel bag, he sees a bouquet of flowers on his
desk. He opens the card to the flowers, reads it, smiles, he
suspects they are from David, he goes to his phone and makes
a call. David appears answering the phone.
Hey David, it's me, Adam.
Hey, how was your lunch?
Weren't you at lunch?
No. I was at yoga.
Your secretary said you were at
That's what I tell him to say. I
don't want people knowing I do
yoga. It's too Gwyneth Paltrow. So
listen, I got flowers today...
Yes, I did, and the card says from
a secret admirer, is that you by
I have no idea what you're talking
I don't believe you.
They laugh. Beat.
So, what are you doing now?
Come over, leave early.
You know, I can still smell you
from last night.
Come again? I mean excuse me?
Sit on the desk.
David, not now, I'm working?
Adam, listen to me. Are you
Did you do it?
Undo your pants.
You're making me so hard.
Put your hand down your pants.
Do it. Now! Stroke it.
Are you stroking yourself?
Don't lie to me.
Are you hard?
Are you kidding me?
Stroke that cock and don't you dare
drop the phone, hear my voice, see
my face. God you look hot. I've
fantasized about fucking you on
your desk Mr. Executive. Coming
around from behind you when you are
on the phone. Unbuckling your belt,
you try to turn around but I don't
let you. Close your eyes and don't
look back. I bend you over the
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh
Peter enters and stands inside the door, shocked but can't
Adam sees Peter.
OH MY GOD!!!
Peter runs out.
Somebody just walked in! Listen, I
gotta go! Oh My God! I'll call you
later!!! PETER, PETER, PETER...
He opens the door to reveal Peter standing in the doorway
Peter, honestly, how much did you
You're such a slut!
Adam slams door on Peter, Peter re-opens it.
I am so jealous.
Again, Adam slams door on Peter, Peter re-opens it.
So who was on the phone?
It is none of your business.
I didn't know you had such a big
Shut up Peter.
Was it one of those 900 lines?
Oh, God no.
I had no idea you were into that..
Okay, do you promise not to tell?
Adam, I'm your best friend. I'll
It was the stripper.
Yes. From last night. I know,
it's so weird. He stayed over.
That was him on the phone. He
seems to like me, although I don't
Would you cut that out. He likes
you because he does.
But look at him, and look at me.
Not everyone cares about that
stuff. You're funny, you've got a
Okay, now you sound like my mother.
Well someone obviously has to
because I can't believe you spent
the night with a hustler.
It wasn't not like that.
He's an escort Adam. Wake up. I
found him in the yellow pages.
He didn't charge me.
He's still a whore. He's a walking
David and Bud enter and start getting ready for the photo
Don't say that..
Adam. You deserve some fun. God
knows at least one of us does. But
I thought you wanted a boyfriend. I
thought you wanted something
I do want that.
But you don't find a husband in the
yellow pages. You don't go
shopping for a Mercedes at a Toyota
He's not a Toyota.
No he's a taxi. He'll give anybody
a ride. You can't date a hustler.
7 SCENE: BUDS PHOTO SHOOT 7
Bud is getting ready to pose for David.
David Cassidy Beckworth. That's my
name. I know, I know. What can I
say? My mom was a fucking
So how did you get the nickname
From my first and only boyfriend,
Danny. We were together for two
He gave you that name?
Kind of. We were together for six
months before he started dealing.
At first it was just pot then it
was whatever he could get his hands
on. E, G, K-anything with one
initial. Oh, then the big
one….crystal. About six months
after that we were always fucked
up. Until I finally got sick of
being out of control all the time
so I stopped-or tried to stop.
Danny didn't like getting high by
himself se he'd always try to get
me to join him. "Come on, just one
bump….just do one bump….just this
once and I 'll never ask again."
Every other night it was the same
fucking thing. So, one night we
were at the bar and it was the same
old shit and I told him that I
wasn't in the mood. So I went to
the bathroom and when I came back I
saw him pour something into my beer
and I just freaked. I picked up
the bottle and smashed it and held
the broken end to his face and I
screamed, "Leave me the fuck alone,
Danny. I never want to see your
fucking face again." He was
totally shocked. I was totally
shocked. It was like all the air
had gone out of the room. Everyone
was staring. Finally, he just
turned around and left. The rest
of the bar kind of steered clear of
me that night. And it was great
because I'd never won before. Not
with him. But it also sucked
because I did love him. And I
probably still do. And after that
everyone kept calling me Bud cause
it was a broken Budweiser bottle I
And then every time I came to the
bar, I'd walk in and they'd say the
same thing, "watch out, here comes
Bud" or they'd grab my butt and
say, "I need a Bud." Or someone
would pick me up and say, "oh it's
a Bud-lite." And after a while it
just stuck. I just wish it was a
little more fabulous, like Corona.
Ah, well, I don't want to talk
about him any more. I'm trying to
forget about him. I want to move
on, I really do. But Danny did
something to me….I don't know…have
you ever met someone who just
ruined you for love?
8 SCENE: GAVIN AND PETER AT THE RESTAURANT 8
I think I'm in love.
Seriously? With who?
Bud? Irresponsible Bud? Bud, the
No, Bud, the person.
He's a student. He's broke.
I don't care about that. Weren't
you a starving student when you met
Larry? Look how great you turned
Yeah, look how great we turned out.
You know, I've been single for so
long and I'm sick of it. If I'm so
willing and open, and, you know,
ready for a boyfriend, then why
is nothing coming to me? It's so
So, I went for a run last night. I
ran for miles, just thinking and
thinking. And you know what came
to me? Proust! Proust said, "The
real voyage of discovery consists
not in seeking new landscapes, but
in having new eyes."
You read Proust?
No. I read it in Oprah magazine.
You read Oprah Magazine?
I love it.
She's on every cover!
That's why it's called Oprah
Magazine. It's very inspiring! You
and Larry should get it.
Oh, please! You know how Larry
feels about anything remotely "too
I wish he would just get over that.
He teaches a gay studies class now,
for God's sake.
I know! But it's all very serious
and academic. I just wish he would
go crazy sometime and, I don't
know, rent a porno and go to the
fucking white party?
We should surprise him some night
and kidnap him and force him to a
Oh my God, I think he'd go into
Did I tell you that I entered a
drag contest once?
No you never told me that.
It was Halloween. I didn't win.
They said I had to shave my
armpits. Can you believe that? I
was so offended.
9 SCENE: BUD AND LARRY AT SCHOOL 9
Bud and Larry are sitting on the desk talking.
I can't fathom why you would
possibly want to pose naked for
I just did it for fun. Just think,
I'll be immortalized forever. When
I'm 80, I can dig the pictures out
and say, "Damn, I was hot."
It's just so typical.
What does that mean?
It means that this David person is
probably just getting off taking
pictures of hot young guys. Do you
really think he'd want to take
naked pictures of me?
I'm sure he would. He made the
offer to all of us at Adam's party.
Open your eyes, Bud. The only way
to get noticed in this day and age
is to be young, muscular, and to
have your cock hanging out.
Geez, Larry, you're a bundle of
No, you're missing the point. Did
we really go through Stonewall and
years of oppression for the right
to get strung out on crystal meth
and have a circle jerk in a public
bathroom? You're right, I'm not a
bundle of laughs today. I'm just
profoundly disappointed in us…in
all of us. When I was younger I
was really into comic books. I
know, it's true. I was just a
regular kid. I collected them all
at one point or another; but my
favorite was The Justice League. I
was so taken with the fact that
Superman, Batman,and Wonder Woman
could put aside their personal
differences for the purpose of
saving the world. How great is
that? And now my entire adult
perceptions are molded by these
rigid, two-dimensional ideals. I
don't know, I just wish we'd think
of something other than our cocks.
Well, Larry, I know for a fact that
you like to think of my cock.
Especially when I'm fucking your
Bud, that's different.
How is it different?
I'm your teacher.
10 SCENE: THE CAFE 10
Peter and Gavin are at a table at Gavin's cafe.
He doesn't even pay attention to me
It's like I'm not even there. I
think he's having an affair.
Oh, come on. I'm sure Larry is not
having an affair.
Oh please. We haven't had sex in
For real. I am so jealous of
these fags that just go into bushes
and get off any time they want. I
just can't work up the nerve.
It's not always so satisfying.
Are you kidding? What could be more
satisfying? Sex. Pure unfiltered
sex. What's wrong with me?
First of all, there's a lot more to
sex than just getting off.
Well I'm horny and Larry ain't
doing it. I think if I just could
have sex on my own things would be
a lot better.
Maybe, you should talk to a
Fuck that. I'm done talking. Talk.
Talk. Talk. I'm sick of processing.
I just want to fuck and get fucked
pure and simple. Wham bam thank you
Why don't you place an ad?
A personal ad? I couldn't.
Really? You think? What would I
Aggressive bottom seeks sleazy slut
for sex, sex, sex.
Can you say that ten times fast?
Aggressive bottom seeks Sleazy Slut
for sex, sex, sex.
11 SCENE: LARRY TEACHES CLASS 11
As we move into the section on gay
theatre and gay cinema I think we
need to follow each back to their
beginnings which can both be,
arguably, traced back to the early
80s. Films and plays like Parting
Glances, As Is, Longtime
Comopanion, and The Normal Heart
all have the common theme of AIDS
and were as much a reaction to what
was happening when the disease was
new as anything. Even a "romantic
comedy" like Jeffrey throws in an
AIDS subplot. Pretty soon it
became just another plot point,
it's own sub-genre like musicals or
action flicks. "Here comes another
AIDS movie" until we tired of the
whole thing and moved on. And what
we've moved on to are things like
Trick and The Fluffer-and the less
we say about that, the better.
What's really intriguing to me is
that the lesbians seem to have
gotten it right, in films anyway,
as there is still a surprising lack
of lesbian theatre. In most
lesbian comedies romance is the
key, disease and sex don't take
Kissing Jessica Stein is a good
example of a film where nothing
much happens except that two girls
fall in love. What I would like to
see is what used to be called an
"entertainment". A sweet story in
which nothing much happens except
that that two healthy men fall in
12 SCENE: ADAM AND DAVID'S SECOND DATE-DAVID'S HOUSE 12
David and Adam enter on the second Aggressive Bottom line so
that they are both at the door ready for the next scene.
Adam knocks, David answers the door and Adam enters.
Excuse me? Are you the Ass-Pounding
Porn Star seeking casual encounters
but maybe more.
Are you the cubbish cocksucking
executive seeking fun times, fine
dining and walks on the beach?
Come on in.
Wow. This is where you live? I feel
like I'm in Aaron Spelling's house
or something. It's so fancy.
You know the last time I saw you,
you were dressed as a cop.
You look good.
Thank you. So do you.
You look like you're in the gay
It's my power suit. Do I look
You look uncomfortable.
Take off your jacket. Relax.
ADAM takes off his jacket.
Now, you look like a gay Kevin
Well, thank you.
You wanna dance?
Uh….sure. I'd love to.
David goes off-stage to put on a CD. He comes back and they
begin to slow dance.
You really know how to move.
Not as good as you.
They continue to slow dance.
You wanna drink?
I'd love one.
Be right back.
So, is this where you do all your
Just for now, until I get a studio.
I'd love to see your photos. If you
I don't show many people. I get
kind of embarrassed. I'm not a
Mapplethorpe or anything. But
eventually I hope to have a book
published. Like one of those big
coffee table books.
I'd buy it.
These are a few.
Gives him a photo album.
I have about 600.
ADAM looks and comments on each photo.
Wow. Wow. Wow. These are amazing.
Wow. That's funny. That's hot. Wow.
David, you're really good. You
should submit these to magazines.
Oh please, Adam, who's gonna
publish a picture of a fag with a
shaved head and a bone through his
nose? Would your magazine publish
You could self-publish.
How does that work?
Oh it's easy.
So, lets do it.
Let's publish these. If it's so
easy. If you really think
they'd make a great book...let's do it. I've got some money
saved up. Let's do it. Seriously. You said you hate your
job. Just take six months off.
Six months off? I can't take six
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