MAKING PORN-OFFICIAL SCRI_
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      6     SCENE 6 	RICKY CALLS PARENTS

                                RICKY
                      Mom tell Dad to pick up the other phone, I have really good
                      news.  Dad?  Hi.  Mom?  Are you back Mom?  Great.  OK, first
                      of all I got all my classes and I got a great job.  In a law firm. 
                      7 dollars an hour.  I know, that's what I was thinking.  So I'm
                      not gonna have any problem covering my tuition in January. 
                      Well of course, yeah.  But I'm sure the job's gonna work out, I
                      mean so far it's great.  Mom, when do you have your surgery? 
                      Do you need me home that weekend?  I can come home, it's
                      not that much.  I get paid every two weeks.  I'm not gonna
                      blow all my money.  Most of it's going right to the bank.  Don't
                      worry Mom, you worry too much.   
                      So I'm gonna come home the week of your surgery.  Just plan
                      on me being there.  I'll call you next week.  It's not that much
                      to call Bakersfield from San Francisco.  No, it's not that much. 
                      Don't worry Mom, I told you I have a great job!

            Ricky exits, his light goes out, music resumes and Ray continues his show.  He cums and is
            done.

      7     SCENE 7 	JAMIE & RAY RECONCILE

            Offstage Voice
                      Let's give a warm hand for Ray Tanner.

            (Scattered applause, Ray  leaves 'stage' and goes to dressing area.  Lights come up on
            stage left table as Ray gets to it.  Music fades out and Jamie opens the door and applauds
            Ray.)

                                RAY
                      Oh my God!

                                JAMIE

            (Crossing to him.)
                      You were sensational Barbra.

                                RAY
                      Thank you.

                                JAMIE
                      The lights, the people.

                                RAY
                      How are you?

                                JAMIE
                      I'm great.  How are you?

                                RAY
                      Oh my God.  It's so good to see you.

                                JAMIE
                      Nice outfit.

                                RAY
                      Thank you darling.  Just my little backstage attire.

                                JAMIE
                      Ahhh, the theatre.

                                RAY
                      So what's up?

                                JAMIE
                      We want you back.

                                RAY
                      You're still with Arthur?

                                JAMIE
                      What do you think?

                                RAY
                      No comment.

                                JAMIE
                      We really want you.

                                RAY
                      I'd love to, but it's not acceptable for me to be paid in 1982
                      for work I did in 1981.

                                JAMIE
                      I'm sorry.

                                RAY
                      It's not you Jamie.

                                JAMIE
                      No, it's my fault too.

                                RAY
                      Jamie everyone knows Art is a huge asshole.

                                JAMIE
                      I know.

                                RAY
                      so what's the movie.

                                JAMIE
                      It's called Cops.

                                RAY
                      Original.  I like it.

                                JAMIE
                      It's about cops.

                                RAY
                      Noooo!

                                JAMIE
                      Clever huh?

                                RAY
                      Who'd have thought?

                                JAMIE
                      And you play...

                                RAY
                      Wait, let me guess.... Um, a florist?

                                JAMIE
                      No.

                                RAY
                      A hairdresser?

                                JAMIE
                      No.

                                RAY
                      A cop?

                                JAMIE	NO.
                      Ray

                                I DON'T PLAY A COP?
                      jamie
                      No.

                                RAY
                      I want to be a cop.

                                JAMIE
                      You play a plumber.

                                RAY
                      What?

                                JAMIE
                      You play this plumber who goes over to a cop's house on
                      Saturday and you guys end up getting it on.

                                RAY
                      You mean we have sex?

                                JAMIE
                      Yes.

                                RAY
                      On screen?

                                JAMIE
                      Yes.

                                RAY
                      In front of everyone?

                                JAMIE
                      Unfortunately yes.

                                RAY?
                      Is that all?

                                JAMIE
                      And then there's a scene where you get pulled over for not
                      having your truck registered and they take you downtown.

                                RAY
                      Ooooh.

                                JAMIE
                      And then there's the big group scene...

                                RAY
                      And everyone stands around and jacks off on me and I end
                      up with cum all over my chest.

                                JAMIE
                      Basically.

                                RAY
                      He's such an innovator.

                                JAMIE
                      That's the role.

                                RAY
                      How much?

                                JAMIE
                      That's what we need to talk about.

                                RAY
                      You're not gonna like my offer.

                                JAMIE
                      What.

                                RAY
                      Twenty-five hundred.

                                JAMIE
                      Twenty-five hundred?

                                RAY
                      I just shot a film for Rawhide video and I got twenty-five
                      hundred.

                                JAMIE
                      Really?

                                RAY
                      And I've made a lot of films for Arthur.

                                JAMIE
                      I know.

                                RAY
                      And that's what I want.

                                JAMIE
                      Well he really wants you.

                                RAY
                      What was his offer?

                                JAMIE
                      He didn't say.

                                RAY
                      I think twenty-five hundred is fair.

                                JAMIE
                      I guess we can do that.

                                RAY
                      To be paid the morning of the shoot.

                                JAMIE
                      I understand.

                                RAY
                      What's the schedule?

                                JAMIE
                      Saturday at ten, but after that I need to check.  So I'll call you
                      tonight with the rest of the dates.

                                RAY
                      Sounds good.

                                JAMIE
                      Great.

                                RAY
                      I can't wait to get back on a set with Arthur.

                                JAMIE
                      Just try to stay calm.

                                RAY
                      Has he gotten better or worse.

                                JAMIE
                      He never changes.

                                RAY
                      Great.

                                JAMIE
                      So Saturday at ten.  But I'll call you.

                                RAY
                      OK.

                                JAMIE
                      I'll let you go.

                                RAY
                      I'm almost on again.

                                JAMIE
                      Break a leg.

                                RAY
                      Oh I will.

                                JAMIE
                      Smile baby.

                                RAY
                      It's great seeing you again.

                                JAMIE
                      You look good.

                                RAY
                      I try.

                                JAMIE
                      Is there a pay phone?

            (Jamie crosses to the door and opens it.)

                                RAY
                      Right in the lobby.

                                JAMIE
                      Great.

                                RAY
                      See ya later.

                                JAMIE
                      I'll call you tonight.

            (He closes the door.  Art crosses to the left side of the door holding a phone.  Jamie appears
            on the right side of the door also with a phone.  A spotlight lights up just the door.)

      8     SCENE 8 	JAMIE TELLS ART HE GOT RAY
                      Jamie
                      I got him.

                                ARTHUR
                      How much?

                                JAMIE
                      Twenty-five hundred.

                                ARTHUR
                      What?

                                JAMIE
                      That's what he wanted.

                                ARTHUR
                      No.

                                JAMIE
                      You said...

                                ARTHUR
                      Twenty-five hundred ?

                                JAMIE
                      I asked you.

                                ARTHUR
                      Jamie.

                                JAMIE
                      That was his price.

                                ARTHUR
                      No way.

                                JAMIE
                      That's what he asked for.

                                ARTHUR
                      No fucking way.

                                JAMIE
                      Why did I ask?  Because I knew you.

                                ARTHUR
                      Twenty-five hundred Jamie?  Twenty-five hundred?

                                JAMIE
                      I asked you over and over.

                                ARTHUR
                      I should have gone myself.

                                JAMIE
                      You should have.

                                ARTHUR
                      Next time I will.

                                JAMIE
                      Fine.

                                ARTHUR
                      Call him and tell him he can't get twenty-five hundred.

                                JAMIE
                      I'm not gonna call him and tell him that.

                                ARTHUR
                      You offered it.

                                JAMIE
                      You call him.

                                ARTHUR

                                YOU MADE THE RIDICULOUS OFFER.
                      Jamie

                                YOU'E THE ONE THAT WANTED HIM
                      Arthur

                                JUST CALL HIM UP AND TELL HIM YOU MADE A MISTAKE.

                                JAMIE
                      I didn't make a mistake.

                                ARTHUR
                      You didn't?

                                JAMIE
                      No.

                                ARTHUR
                      Who did then?

                                JAMIE
                      You because you wouldn't give me a ballpark.

                                ARTHUR
                      Oh good Jamie, blame me for your fuck up.

                                JAMIE
                      You said I don't care about money, I care about making
                      Cops.

                                ARTHUR
                      I didn't mean I don't care about money.

                                JAMIE
                      What does 'I don't care about money' mean?

                                ARTHUR
                      It means I don't care about money but it doesn't mean that
                      money shouldn't be cared about.

                                JAMIE
                      You could have called him.

                                ARTHUR
                      I write the films, I direct the films, what the fuck do I need you
                      for if I'm gonna do everything myself?

                                JAMIE
                      My three minutes are up.

                                ARTHUR
                      Put another quarter in.

                                JAMIE
                      We can't afford it.

                                ARTHUR
                      Jamie...

            (We hear recording "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again).

      9     SCENE 9 	HAMLET AUDITION

                                JACK
                      Hi!  Thank you for seeing me.  I really appreciate it.  I know
                      you're running behind but I have a really short piece so I just
                      need a minute.

            (He warms up for 3 seconds and begins the 'too too solid flesh' monologue from Hamlet).
                      I'll be doing Hamlet from the play Hamlet.  Act one Scene two. 
                      "Oh that this too, too solid flesh would melt, thaw and resolve
                      itself into a dew.  Or that the"... Can I start over?..

     10     SCENE 10 	JACK WANDERS IN

                                ARTHUR
                      OK guys, let's look at this and remember, you enter when
                      Jamie says 'ding dong'  And...

                                JAMIE
                      Ding dong.

                                RAY
                      Hi.  You have a problem with your plumbing?  I'm the plumber.

                                RICKY
                      Great dude.  Come on in.  My girlfriend's asleep upstairs so try
                      not to make too much noise banging on my pipes.

                                RAY
                      Don't worry kid.  I'll go easy.

                                RICKY
                      It's right in here.

            (Ray 'the plumber' starts to work and gets sweaty quickly).

                                RAY
                      Wow, it sure is hot down here.

            (He takes off shirt).

                                RICKY
                      Sure is.  Hey you must work out.

                                RAY
                      Not much.  I just get a work out fixing people's pipes.

                                RICKY
                      I've been working out.

            (He takes off shirt).
                      What do you think?

                                RAY
                      That's pretty good.  Let me check 'em out.  Oooo that feels
                      great dude.

                                RICKY
                      Yeah, you like that?

                                RAY
                      Uh huh.

                                ARTHUR
                      Stop.  Guys what the fuck is this?  It's way too stiff.

                                RICKY
                      I'm sorry.

                                ARTHUR
                      You need to relax.

                                RICKY
                      I'll be better next time.

                                ARTHUR
                      I hope.

                                RICKY
                      I will.

                                ARTHUR
                      And Ray, you said 'Oooo that feels great dude' and the line is
                      'that feels great guy'.

                                RAY
                      'That feels great guy'?

                                ARTHUR
                      Yeah, not dude.

                                RAY
                      Oh.

                                ARTHUR
                      And not 'Oooo that feels great'.  Oooo is too queenie.  Just
                      'That feels great guy'.  Got it?  Got it?  OK, let's butch it up
                      and do it again.

            (They do it again).

                                RAY
                      Hi.  You have a problem with your plumbing?  I'm the plumber.

                                ARTHUR
                      Butcher!

                                RICKY
                      Yo man.  My bitch is asleep upstairs, I got a goddamn leak in
                      the sink get in there and fix my fuckin' pipes!

                                RAY
                      You got it baby..

                                RICKY
                      Right there.

                                RAY
                      Wow, it sure is hot down here.

            (He takes off shirt).

                                RICKY
                      Goddamn, you must work out.

                                RAY
                      Not much.  I just get a work out fixing people's pipes.

                                RICKY
                      I've been pumpin' up.

            (He takes off shirt).
                      What do you think?

                                RAY
                      That's pretty good.  Let me check 'em out.  That feels great
                      guy.

                                ARTHUR
                      Great.  That was perfect.  OK, let's get 'em into costume. 
                      Jamie,  did you bring the work belt?

                                JAMIE
                      It's in the car.

                                ARTHUR
                      Ray come with me, I need you to try it on.

            (To Jamie).
                      Can you make sure Ricky's sweats work?

                                JAMIE
                      You brought your sweats right?

                                RICKY
                      Yeah.  Do you want me to put 'em on now?

                                JAMIE
                      Yeah.

                                RICKY

            (Getting sweats.  They are bright pink).
                      Was I awful?

                                JAMIE
                      No you were good.

                                RICKY
                      I was more nervous in front of Arthur.  He makes me nervous.

                                JAMIE
                      He makes everyone nervous.

                                RICKY
                      He's kind of creepy.

                                JAMIE
                      He's an asshole.

                                RICKY
                      He takes it very seriously.

                                JAMIE
                      He wants to make a porno that becomes a crossover hit like
                      Debbie Does Dallas.

                                RICKY
                      That was a crossover hit?

                                JAMIE
                      Well, it was famous.

                                RICKY
                      I'm sure Cops will be huge.

                                JAMIE
                      Right.
                      Do I have other lines?

                                JAMIE (CONT'D)
                      I don't think so.

                                RICKY
                      Arthur said I'd have a lot of lines.

                                JAMIE
                      It's a porno honey.  That is a lot of lines.

                                RICKY
                      Oh.

                                JAMIE
                      Besides, I thought you wanted to be a lawyer not a porn star.

                                RICKY
                      Well I won't be a lawyer for eight years.  I'm still doing under
                      grad stuff.

                                JAMIE
                      How old are you?

                                RICKY
                      Nineteen.

                                JAMIE
                      Oh.

            Ricky
                      I'll be twenty next month.

                                JAMIE (CONT'D)
                      You don't look nineteen.

                                RICKY
                      Everybody says that.

                                JAMIE
                      I was 19 once.

                                RICKY
                      How old are you?

                                JAMIE
                      I don't remember.

                                RICKY
                      Come on.

                                JAMIE

                                RICKY
                      That's not that old.

                                JAMIE
                      I'm 32.

                                RICKY
                      Oh.

                                JAMIE
                      Oh, he says.

                                RICKY
                      So how long have you known Arthur?

                                JAMIE
                      Too long.

                                RICKY
                      I thought you were married.

                                JAMIE
                      Well we don't celebrate anniversaries.

                                RICKY
                      Oh.

                                JAMIE
                      So do your parents know their son is about to embark on a
                      major porn career?

                                RICKY
                      No they don't and no I'm not.

                                JAMIE
                      I hope your dad doesn't go to adult movies.

                                RICKY
                      My Dad's a Mormon.

                                JAMIE
                      How do you know he doesn't cheat on his wives?

                                RICKY
                      Very funny.

                                ARTHUR
                      Those are the sweats?

                                RICKY
                      Yeah.

                                ARTHUR
                      No, no, no.  You can't wear that color and say 'My girlfriends
                      upstairs.'  Is that all you brought?

                                ARTHUR (CONT'D)
                      I thought they'd be fine.

                                ARTHUR (CONT'D)
                      Honey, no these are , I'm sorry.  Jamie you know he can't
                      wear that color.

                                JAMIE
                      I thought they'd be OK.

                                ARTHUR
                      Ray's ready to shoot.

                                RAY
                      Do I look butch?

                                ARTHUR
                      I wanted to shoot this scene now.

                                JAMIE
                      Well that's all we have.

                                ARTHUR
                      No, no no.  These are awful.  I mean they're fine sweats but
                      not for this scene.  Jamie they need to be butcher, like cut off. 
                      Don't you have those gray sweats we used before?

                                JAMIE
                      I think so.

                                ARTHUR
                      Yes or no.

                                JAMIE
                      Yes, I think so.

                                ARTHUR
                      OK.  You guys go get the sweats and come right back.  In
                      fact, put 'em on in the car because we're already behind and I
                      need to shoot that scene the minute you get back.  So would
                      you please hurry back guys?

                                JACK

            (Entering).
                      Excuse me.

                                ARTHUR
                      Can I help you?

                                JACK
                      I'm looking for Arthur Mack.

                                ARTHUR
                      That's me.

                                JACK
                      Hi, I'm Jack Hawk.  I got your number from Gino Colbert.

                                ARTHUR
                      Oh Gino.  How's he doing?

                                JACK
                      Fine I guess.

                                ARTHUR
                      He's a schmuck.

                                RAY
                      I'll leave you two alone.

                                ARTHUR
                      So how do you know Gino?

                                JACK
                      I made a few films for him.

                                ARTHUR
                      Oh.

                                JACK
                      Nothing much.

                                ARTHUR
                      Did you do those stupid greeting cards?

                                JACK
                      No.

                                ARTHUR
                      He's made a mint off those.  That was my idea.

                                JACK
                      I didn't do 'em.

                                ARTHUR
                      Good.  They're tacky.

                                JACK
                      Well he's in Europe for six months and I'm kinda looking for
                      work and he suggested that I call you.

                                ARTHUR
                      That was gracious of him.

                                JACK
                      He's a nice guy.

                                ARTHUR
                      No he's not but anyway, What kind of stuff did you do for
                      Gino?

                                JACK
                      Mostly I'd just jack-off and then he'd intersperse other scenes
                      as if I was having these fantasies.

                                ARTHUR
                      But of course you weren't.

                                JACK
                      What?

                                ARTHUR
                      You're straight right?

                                JACK
                      Actually.

                                ARTHUR
                      You look straight.

                                JACK
                      I am.

                                ARTHUR
                      Are you married?

                                JACK
                      Yup.

                                ARTHUR
                      Does your wife know?

                                JACK
                      No.

                                ARTHUR
                      What if she found out?

                                JACK
                      She won't find out.

                                ARTHUR
                      But what if she did?

                                JACK
                      That doesn't matter.

                                ARTHUR
                      I don't want some crazed straight woman firebombing my
                      house.

                                JACK
                      She's not like that.

                                ARTHUR
                      She has no idea that you make these films?

                                JACK
                      No.

                                ARTHUR
                      What if your career took off?

                                JACK
                      It won't.

                                ARTHUR
                      But what if it did?

                                JACK
                      That's part of the deal, you can't put my picture on the cover
                      of any video and you can't use my picture with any publicity or
                      sales promotions.

                                ARTHUR
                      I understand.  So will you get fucked?

                                JACK
                      Up the ass?

                                ARTHUR
                      Do you have a hole I don't know about?

                                JACK
                      No.

                                ARTHUR
                      Of course up the ass.

                                JACK
                      I'd prefer not to.

                                ARTHUR
                      Will you fuck?

                                JACK
                      Well I'd be more comfortable just jacking off

                                ARTHUR
                      Yes or no.

                                JACK
                      What kind of money are we talking about?

                                ARTHUR
                      It depends on what you're willing to do.

                                JACK
                      I can't just jack off?

                                ARTHUR
                      Not in this film.

                                JACK
                      I don't know about fucking some guy up the ass.

                                ARTHUR
                      Do you know what kind of movie studio this is?

                                JACK
                      Yes.

                                ARTHUR
                      It's not MGM.

                                JACK
                      I know.

                                ARTHUR
                      We fuck in these films.

                                JACK
                      I know.

                                ARTHUR
                      So you fuck or get fucked.

                                JACK

            (Exhales).

                                ARTHUR
                      Most guys don't get their choice.

                                JACK
                      I understand.

                                ARTHUR
                      But you're cute.

                                JACK
                      Thank you.

                                ARTHUR
                      So I'll give you a choice.

                                JACK
                      I'd prefer to do the fucking.

                                ARTHUR
                      Fine.

                                JACK
                      How much?

                                ARTHUR
                      One scene of fucking and one jacking off.

                                JACK
                      How much time are we talking about?

                                ARTHUR
                      Well I usually shoot on weekends so we're probably looking at
                      two weekends at the most.

                                JACK
                      I can do that.

                                ARTHUR
                      And I need to see you naked.

                                JACK
                      I have a good body.

                                ARTHUR
                      I need to see it.

                                JACK
                      You can't tell?

                                ARTHUR
                      I'll see it sooner or later.

                                JACK

            (Exhales again).

                                ARTHUR
                      Oh come on, do you think I'm being unreasonable?

                                JACK
                      Fine.

            (He undresses  Dialogue does not continue until he is completely undressed).

                                ARTHUR
                      Well You're right.  You have a great body.

                                JACK
                      I told you.

                                ARTHUR
                      Oh my God.  You should hustle.

                                JACK
                      I don't think so.

                                ARTHUR
                      You could make a fortune.

                                JACK
                      That's OK.

                                ARTHUR
                      I'd pay you to fuck me.

                                JACK
                      How much?

                                ARTHUR
                      A hundred bucks.

                                JACK

                                THAT'S OK.
                      Arthur

                                TWO HUNDRED.
                      Jack
                      I'd prefer just to make the movie first and see how that goes.

                                ARTHUR
                      Fine.  So how much do you want?

                                JACK
                      Two thousand.

                                ALL RIGHT.  BUT DON'T TELL THAT TO ANYBODY ELSE
                                ON THE SET BECAUSE IT'S A LOT MORE THAN ANYBODY
                                ELSE IS GETTING.

                                JACK
                      No problem.

                                ARTHUR
                      And I need to take a few Polaroids of you just to show my
                      assistant.

                                JACK
                      Can I get 'em back the day of the shoot?

                                ARTHUR
                      No problem.

                                JACK
                      OK.

                                ARTHUR
                      Come with me.  Say Cheese.

            (they walk out)
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