Charlie-Sex Addict-Offici_
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            CHARLIE THE SEX ADDICT-CHARACTERS

            Charlie

            Jessica

            Karl

            Lesbian 1 (Monica)

            Lesbian 2 (Tina)

            Billy Bob (Richard)

            Michael the Lawyer

            Mousey Housewife/Customer 1 (Monica)

            White trash customer/Customer 2 (Tina)

            Transsexual/Customer 3  (Richard)

            Kimmy Stanton

            Clown (Monica)

            Tina as herself

            4 HOOKERS-CHARACTERS

            The Men

            Charlie

            Michael 

            Richard

            Henry (Karl)

            The Women

            Tina

            Monica

            Kimmy Stanton

            Vicky (Jessica)

            PART 1- (46 PAGES)

            PART 1: CHARLIE THE SEX ADDICT

            MUSIC CUE-STRONG ENOUGH-SHERYL CROW

            Fade house and stage out at 31 seconds in song

            Fade to black takes 8 seconds

            Theatre black by 40 seconds in to the song

            Charlie and Jessica have 8 seconds to move in to place

            Stage lights up at 48 seconds in to song-right before lyric

            Slowly fade song out after 124

            Followed by a long silence.

            SCENE: CHARLIE AND JESSICA IN BED

            A man and woman are asleep in bed...they are boyfriend and girlfriend...he wakes up...he
            can't sleep...he tries to initiate sex with his girlfriend...

                                CHARLIE
                      I'm horny.

                                JESSICA
                      Charlie. Stop it.  I'm trying to sleep.

                                CHARLIE
                      I'm horny.

                                JESSICA
                      Go to sleep.

            She goes back to sleep...but he can't fall asleep...he tries again.

                                JESSICA (CONT'D)
                      Charlie, I'm serious, stop it.  

            He lies there..tosses and turns...begins to jack off under the covers...she wakes up

                                JESSICA (CONT'D)
                      What are you doing?

            He suddenly stops.

                                JESSICA (CONT'D)
                      Are you jacking off?

                                CHARLIE
                      No.  I have an itch.

                                JESSICA
                      Go to sleep.

            She goes to sleep.  Charlie lies there bored.  He can not sleep.  He begins to jack off again.
            All of a sudden Jessica jumps up.

                                JESSICA (CONT'D)
                      Oh for Gods sake! This is ridiculous!  I need to sleep.  I have
                      a very important job interview in the morning.  What the hell is
                      wrong with you.

                                CHARLIE
                      I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

                                JESSICA
                      I'll be on the couch.  Do not come out there!

            She exits.  He continues to jack-off.  As he does two lesbians appear at the foot of his bed. 
            This is his fantasy.  Music and smoke.

                                LESBIAN 1
                      Oh yeah baby...jack that big cock!

                                LESBIAN 2
                      Oh yeah you big stud...jack that big cock while I eat her
                      pussy.

            He jacks off faster.  

                                LESBIAN 1
                      Oh yeah...that feels good.

                                LESBIAN 2
                      Oh yeah...I love eating your big wet pussy.

                                LESBIAN 1
                      Oh yeah Charlie...shoot on my face.

                                LESBIAN 2
                      I want to taste your cum Charlie.  Shoot in my mouth!

                                LESBIAN 1
                      Shoot in my mouth, baby!

            He cums...and right away he falls asleep. Snoring. 

                                CHARLIE
                           (loud snoring)
                      Zzzzzzzzzz.

            The lesbians look around...confused...unsure of what to do next...

                                LESBIAN 1
                      Are we done?

                                LESBIAN 2
                      Charlie are we done?  

                                LESBIAN 1
                      Can we go now?

            They fade away.

            SCENE: KARL ON PHONE 

                                KARL
                      I'm listening.
                           (beat)
                      I'm listening.
                           (beat)
                      But George, how I'm supposed to keep employees around
                      here when I tell 'em they can make 1,200 a week and their
                      first paycheck is 300 dollars?

            SCENE: JESSICA LEAVES FOR WORK

                                JESSICA
                      Charlie wake up.  I'm leaving.  How do I look.

                                CHARLIE
                      Where are you going?

                                JESSICA
                      I told you I have that job interview.

                                CHARLIE
                      Oh yeah yeah...you look great.

                                JESSICA
                      Okay, I'm going.

                                CHARLIE
                      Wait, wait, wait....gimme a kiss.

                                JESSICA
                      I don't have time.

                                CHARLIE
                      Just a little one.

                                JESSICA
                      No...I just did my lipstick...I gotta run...I'll see you
                      tonight...look for a job today...

            SCENE:   JESSICA INTERVIEWS-KARL STILL ON PHONE

                                KARL
                      You know, George,,,one of the reasons I agreed to come out
                      here was because I wanted to be in California.  But, come on,
                      Tarzana?  I told my wife it would be six months.  I've been
                      here ten months, George.  I missed my kid's last birthday.  
                           (beat)
                      She's 14 now.
                           (beat)
                       Thank you. 
                           (beat)
                      Listen. Just send me back to Fort Worth or bring me to
                      Michigan.  Or send me into Hollywood.  But I can't stay in
                      Tarzana. 

            Jessica enters.

            Meanwhile at home...Charlie slowly gets up and makes the bed.

                                JESSICA
                      Excuse me are you...

                                KARL
                      One second...

                                JESSICA
                      Oh, I'm sorry

                                KARL
                      Listen I gotta...
                           (pause)
                      Okay. I'll talk to you later.  Bye.

                                KARL (CONT'D)
                      Are you Jessica...?

                                JESSICA
                           (off stage)
                      That's me.

            Jessica walks into the office next to Karl.

                                KARL 
                      Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Karl Gifford, have a seat.

            Charlie gathers laundry.

                                KARL (CONT'D)
                      So...you're an actress.  

                                JESSICA
                      Well,  I'm trying to be.

                                KARL
                      And you do know what it is we're selling here, right?

            Charlie finds Jessicas' underwear.  Sniffs it

                                JESSICA 
                      Um, yeah, I know it's like herbs, right? 

                                KARL
                      Exactly, it's herbs that give you bigger breasts. 

            Charlie starts to jack-off.

                                KARL (CONT'D)
                      They get these pills, they get this cream, they eat the pill, they
                      rub the cream on their breasts, and their breasts get bigger. 
                      Here's all the paper work.  Take a minute...read it
                      over....because I really don't want to continue until you're
                      absolutely sure you want to do this.

                                JESSICA
                      I'm sure it's fine.

            She starts reading brochure. 

            Charlie is getting more into his masturbation.

                                KARL
                      Great..

                                JESSICA
                      I just need to make a quick phonecall.

                                KARL
                      Sure of course..no problem.

            A woman in a spotlight pops pills...then puts cream on her breasts...Charlie is about to
            cum....Jessica calls Charlie....Charlie is getting closer....Phone rings before Charlie can
            cum....Charlie is frustrated....Jessica is looking at the brochure Karl gave her....Charlie
            answers the phone...he is out of breath.

                                CHARLIE
                      Hello?

                                JESSICA
                      Its me..

                                CHARLIE
                      Oh hey, what's going on?

                                JESSICA
                      What's wrong?

                                CHARLIE
                      What do you mean 

                                JESSICA
                      You're out of breath.

                                CHARLIE
                      I am?

                                JESSICA
                      What are you doing?

                                CHARLIE
                      Why are you whispering?

                                JESSICA
                      I can't talk loud.   Charlie, were you masturbating?

                                CHARLIE
                      NO!!!  I'm getting ready to do the laundry

                                JESSICA
                      Oh...really?

                                CHARLIE
                      Yes.

                                JESSICA
                      Oh, that's nice.

                                CHARLIE
                      Your welcome.

                                JESSICA
                      Thank you...so listen..I'm still at the interview...I can't talk
                      loud... and it's kind of weird...

                                CHARLIE
                      I can barely hear you.

                                JESSICA
                      I can't talk loud...just listen...have you ever heard of an herb
                      that makes your breasts grow bigger?

                                CHARLIE
                      You mean like steroids?

                                JESSICA 
                      No, it's not for muscle, it's for breasts.  You take this pill, you
                      rub this cream on your chest, and you grow an extra cup size. 

                                CHARLIE 
                      Really?

                                JESSICA
                      Yes.

                                CHARLIE
                      Are you serious?

                                JESSICA
                      Yes...I'm looking at the brochure.

                                CHARLIE
                      Does it work?

                                JESSICA 
                      They say it does but I can't imagine.  You think I should do it? 

                                CHARLIE
                      What's the pay...?

                                JESSICA
                      He says you can make 2,500 a week.

                                CHARLIE
                      Well, of course you should do it.

                                JESSICA
                      Charlie, you know they always lie when it comes to
                      commission.  2,500 probably means 800 if you're lucky.

                                CHARLIE
                      Do you get to try the product for free?

                                JESSICA
                      Excuse me...

                                CHARLIE
                      Do you get to try the product ?

                                JESSICA
                      Why would I try the product?

                                CHARLIE
                      Oh...I don't know.

                                JESSICA
                      Why did you say that?

                                CHARLIE
                      I was just...

                                JESSICA
                      You think i need this product?

                                CHARLIE
                      No.

                                JESSICA
                      You think I need bigger boobs?

                                CHARLIE
                      No...

                                JESSICA
                      Then why would I try the product?

                                CHARLIE
                      I don't know...I was just asking.

                                JESSICA
                      You're a fucking asshole?

                                CHARLIE
                      I was kidding.

                                JESSICA
                      No you weren't

                                CHARLIE
                      I was...

                                JESSICA
                      You think my tits are too small.

                                CHARLIE
                      Of course i don't

                                JESSICA
                      I know you do.

                                CHARLIE
                      I love your tits.

                                JESSICA
                      No you don't...you want me to have those oversized ones like
                      your sister, Christine.

            The woman from before is in a spotlight studying her own breasts

                                CHARLIE
                      No I don't.

                                JESSICA
                      Fuck you...I'm hanging up.

            SCENE: WOMAN USING THE PRODUCT

            The woman in the spotlight is now  measuring her own tits.

            SCENE: JESSICA LEARNS SALES

            While this next scene happens Charlie, at home alone,  blows up a love doll and dresses it in
            lingerie.

                                KARL
                      You okay?

                                JESSICA
                      Oh yeah, I'm fine.

                                KARL
                      Shall we start?

                                JESSICA
                      Great.

                                KARL
                      Okay, heres your script...go to page 3...Okay...I'll be the caller
                      and you try to sell me. Okay?  Okay, ready, ring, ring,
                      ring...you answer the phone...say Hello...

                                JESSICA 
                      Hello.

                                BILLY BOB
                      "Yes hi, my name's Billy Bob, can you send me information in
                      the mail about your breast product?"

                                JESSICA
                      You get calls from guys.

                                KARL
                      Oh yeah. Husbands, boyfriends, transvestites.

                                JESSICA
                      Transvestites?

            A transsexual in a spotlight...pops pills and puts cream on his chest

                                KARL
                      Oh yeah, all the time...okay...so...let's try it again...
                      Now imagine you get some mousey housewife on the phone
                      and she goes,

            A mousey housewife appears in a spotlight.

                                CUSTOMER 1: MOUSEY HOUSEWIFE
                      "Well, I'm very interested but I'm afraid I have to talk to my
                      husband first." 

                                JESSICA
                           (reading)
                      "Ma'm, I completely understand.

                                KARL
                      Jessica, stop,  you sound like you're reading.  

                                JESSICA
                      I am reading. I thought you wanted it word for word. 

                                KARL
                      Yeah, but not like a robot.  You gotta act it.  You gotta
                      connect with them. So when some lady says...

                                CUSTOMER 1: MOUSEY HOUSEWIFE
                       I gotta talk to my husband first...

                                KARL
                      ...you say, "I know, if I spent 800 dollars without talking to my
                      husband first he'd kill me, too."

                                JESSICA
                      But I'm not married.

                                KARL
                      So?

                                JESSICA
                      So should I just say If I spent 800 dollars without asking "my
                      boyfriend first" ...

                                KARL
                      No, Jessica, just lie.  Tell them what they need to hear, so you
                      can make the sale. So if they're from Indiana, tell them you're
                      from Indiana.  If they're getting divorced, tell them you just got
                      divorced.  

                                JESSICA
                      But could I get in trouble?

                                KARL
                      For what?

                                JESSICA
                      For lying.

                                KARL
                      I thought you were an actress.

                                JESSICA
                      Yeah?

                                KARL
                      You're not lying, you're acting.  Okay?  Okay, last one.  Here
                      we go. Let's pretend you get some broke-white-trash-person
                      on the phone...
                           (whiny)
                      ...and they go, 

            New woman appears in a spotlight on phone.

                                CUSTOMER 2: WHITE TRASH WOMAN
                      "Um, 800 dollars is a LOT of money!"

                                JESSICA 
                      "You're right!  800 dollars is a lot of money for something if it
                      doesn't work for you.  However, if you break it down it's like $4
                      a day.  You're worth $4 a day, right?"

                                KARL  
                      Good, that's good.  Okay, let me hear the closers.

                                JESSICA
                           (reading)
                      "Wouldn't you love to wake up six months from now with the
                      cup size you've always wanted?"

                                CUSTOMER 2: WHITE TRASH WOMAN
                      Well of course I would. But it's a lot of money.

            Music cue begins.

                                JESSICA  
                           (reading)
                      "But after looking at all the benefits, this system really does
                      make sense, doesn't it?"

                                CUSTOMER 1: MOUSEY HOUSEWIFE
                      I think it does. But I gotta talk to my husband first.

                                KARL  
                      Push harder.

                                JESSICA 
                           (reading)
                      "Then maybe you really don't want to grow an extra cup size?"

                                CUSTOMER 3: A TRANSSEXUAL
                      No I do...I do.

                                KARL 
                      Perfect.

                                JESSICA 
                           (reading)
                      "So it really does make sense to get started right away,
                      doesn't it?"

                                CUSTOMER 3: A TRANSSEXUAL
                      I think it does.

                                CUSTOMER 2: WHITE TRASH WOMAN
                      I guess it does!

                                CUSTOMER 1: MOUSEY HOUSEWIFE
                      I hope it does!!!

                                JESSICA
                      So lets get started!

                                KARL
                      Very nice.

            SCENE:  CHARLIE AT HOME-MUSIC-I'M YOUR BOOGIE MAN

            He does a strip tease for the love doll.

            SCENE: BREAST SIZE HEREDITARY

            Kimmy enters in her bedroom.  Dials phone and music fades out.  Phone rings.  Jessica
            answers it.

                                JESSICA 
                      Hi thank you for calling ATHENA, how may I help you?

                                KIMMY
                      Yes I saw your ad and i was curious about buying it .

                                JESSICA
                      Ok..um...how old are you?

                                KIMMY
                      14...

                                JESSICA
                      14?

                                KIMMY
                      But I'll be 15 next month.

            SCENE: KARL ON PHONE

            Karl is now back in his office, on the phone.

                                KARL
                      Hey George, it's Karl.  Did you talk to Wilson? 
                           (pause)
                      What did he say?  
                           (pause)
                      You tell them how much I hate Tarzana?
                           (pause)
                      You tell them about the cash flow problem

            SCENE: CHARLIE SLOW DANCES WITH LOVE DOLL

            Music bleeds on to next scenes.

                                CHARLIE
                      You move so well...your welcome...you smell nice. You have
                      beautiful breasts...you know that?  Can I touch them?  Are
                      you sure?  Wow...they're so soft.

            SCENE: BACK TO JESSICA.  

            She is still on the phone.

                                KIMMY
                      My mom has really small ones and I'm worried I'm going be
                      the same so do you know if its a family thing...like does it run
                      in the family?

                                JESSICA
                      I don't know Kimmy, I'm not a doctor...

                                KIMMY
                      I don't want to look like my mother when I get older.

            SCENE: CHARLIE AT HOME WITH LOVE DOLL

            They are now sitting on the edge of the bed.

                                CHARLIE
                      ..how old are you?  14?  You're so young?  We shouldn't be
                      doing this?  But its not right. Can i taste them?  Are you sure? 
                      You won't tell anyone?  Okay.

            SCENE: KARL CONGRATULATES JESSICA

            Jessica heads home.

                                KARL
                      Congratulations, Jessica. You sold four today!  You're above
                      par.  

                                JESSICA
                      What's the norm?

                                KARL
                      Well some of the idiots in here can't sell two a day.  I've had
                      people who couldn't sell four in their first week, so I'd say,
                      things look very promising.

                                JESSICA
                      Well, thank you, Karl.

                                KARL
                      And I want you to know I listened to a few of your calls.

                                JESSICA
                      Any comments?

                                KARL
                      Yeah, you're a pretty good liar.

            SCENE: BACK TO CHARLIE

            He is fucking the doll.

                                CHARLIE
                      Oh baby, I love you...you're so hot...oh baby...oh yes...oh yes
                      oh yes...oh fuck.

            He cums.  He pulls out.  He rests.  The he begins to deflate the doll.

            SCENE: PROSTITUTE

            A prostitute dressed fairly slutty is putting on her final touches in preparation for a date.

            SCENE: CHARLIE SETS THE TABLE 

            SCENE: KARL CALLS HIS WIFE

            Karl also fixes himself up for a date.  He puts on some cologne and buttons his shirt.  

                                KARL
                      Hey honey, how are you?
                           (listens)
                      No I'm just getting ready for bed.
                           (listens)
                      I'm so tired. I had a very long day.

            SCENE: DINNER WITH CHARLIE AND JESSICA

             Jessca comes home from work.

                                JESSICA
                      Hi.  Sorry I'm late.  The traffic was a nightmare.

                                CHARLIE
                      No problem.

                                JESSICA
                      Mmmm that smells good...

                                CHARLIE
                      Thank you.

            SCENE: TINA AND KARL

            Knock at Karls door. Karl opens the door it is Tina.

                                TINA
                      Hi.  Sorry, I'm late.  The traffic was a nightmare.

                                KARL
                      No problem.
                           (pause)
                      Mmmm...you smell good..

                                TINA
                      Thank you.
                           (pause)
                      I've never been to Tarzana before. It's interesting.

            SCENE: DINNER CONTINUES

                                JESSICA
                           (very thoughtful)
                      Why would you name a city Tarzana?  What could that
                      possibly be named after?

            SCENE: TINA AND KARL

                                KARL
                      So do I pay you now or...

                                TINA
                           (pause)
                      Uh...they didn't tell you...

                                KARL
                      Uh...no...were they supposed to...

                                TINA
                      Yeah, I'm not supposed to discuss money.

                                KARL
                      Oh, sorry.
                           (reaches in pocket)
                      Well here's your money so...

                                TINA
                      I'm not supposed to discuss money before we do it...you
                      know...in case your a cop...

                                KARL
                      Oh...I'm not a cop...

                                TINA
                      Ok. I'll just take it now. But I'm not a prostitute, okay.

            SCENE: CHARLIE AND JESSICA  
                           (pause)
                      I talked to a lady today who wants to get surgical breast
                      implants for her fourteen year old daughter and she was mad
                      because her doctor wouldn't perform the surgery.
                           (pause)
                      I also got a call today from an 86 year old woman in
                      Pensacola who wanted to know if the product would help
                      tighten her breasts.
                           (pause)
                      Another person just called to talk.
                           (pause)
                      I got another call from someone who wanted to know if I had
                      the number for small claims court in Pittsburgh.
                           (pause)
                      And then I got a call from a guy who wanted to know how big
                      my breasts were.

            SCENE: KARL WITH TINA

                                KARL
                      You have beautiful breasts.

                                TINA
                      Thank you. 

                                KARL
                      Does everyone tell you that?

                                TINA
                      I wish they were bigger.

                                KARL
                      They're perfect.

                                TINA
                      Thank you.

                                KARL
                      Are they sensitive?

                                TINA
                      Not really.

                                KARL
                      My wife had really sensitive nipples.

                                TINA
                      Your wife? 

                                KARL
                      My wife...yeah.

                                TINA
                      What do you mean, had? Is she dead? 

                                KARL
                      No no no.

                                TINA
                      Are you divorced?

                                KARL
                      No...we're still married...it's a long story. It's boring.
                           (pause)
                      Are you married?

                                TINA
                      Me?
                           (laughs)
                      No.
                           (pause)
                      I don't want to get married...It scares me...All the married
                      people I know are miserable.
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