Charlie-Sex Addict-Offici_
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
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CHARLIE THE SEX ADDICT-CHARACTERS
Charlie
Jessica
Karl
Lesbian 1 (Monica)
Lesbian 2 (Tina)
Billy Bob (Richard)
Michael the Lawyer
Mousey Housewife/Customer 1 (Monica)
White trash customer/Customer 2 (Tina)
Transsexual/Customer 3 (Richard)
Kimmy Stanton
Clown (Monica)
Tina as herself
4 HOOKERS-CHARACTERS
The Men
Charlie
Michael
Richard
Henry (Karl)
The Women
Tina
Monica
Kimmy Stanton
Vicky (Jessica)
PART 1- (46 PAGES)
PART 1: CHARLIE THE SEX ADDICT
MUSIC CUE-STRONG ENOUGH-SHERYL CROW
Fade house and stage out at 31 seconds in song
Fade to black takes 8 seconds
Theatre black by 40 seconds in to the song
Charlie and Jessica have 8 seconds to move in to place
Stage lights up at 48 seconds in to song-right before lyric
Slowly fade song out after 124
Followed by a long silence.
SCENE: CHARLIE AND JESSICA IN BED
A man and woman are asleep in bed...they are boyfriend and girlfriend...he wakes up...he
can't sleep...he tries to initiate sex with his girlfriend...
CHARLIE
I'm horny.
JESSICA
Charlie. Stop it. I'm trying to sleep.
CHARLIE
I'm horny.
JESSICA
Go to sleep.
She goes back to sleep...but he can't fall asleep...he tries again.
JESSICA (CONT'D)
Charlie, I'm serious, stop it.
He lies there..tosses and turns...begins to jack off under the covers...she wakes up
JESSICA (CONT'D)
What are you doing?
He suddenly stops.
JESSICA (CONT'D)
Are you jacking off?
CHARLIE
No. I have an itch.
JESSICA
Go to sleep.
She goes to sleep. Charlie lies there bored. He can not sleep. He begins to jack off again.
All of a sudden Jessica jumps up.
JESSICA (CONT'D)
Oh for Gods sake! This is ridiculous! I need to sleep. I have
a very important job interview in the morning. What the hell is
wrong with you.
CHARLIE
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
JESSICA
I'll be on the couch. Do not come out there!
She exits. He continues to jack-off. As he does two lesbians appear at the foot of his bed.
This is his fantasy. Music and smoke.
LESBIAN 1
Oh yeah baby...jack that big cock!
LESBIAN 2
Oh yeah you big stud...jack that big cock while I eat her
pussy.
He jacks off faster.
LESBIAN 1
Oh yeah...that feels good.
LESBIAN 2
Oh yeah...I love eating your big wet pussy.
LESBIAN 1
Oh yeah Charlie...shoot on my face.
LESBIAN 2
I want to taste your cum Charlie. Shoot in my mouth!
LESBIAN 1
Shoot in my mouth, baby!
He cums...and right away he falls asleep. Snoring.
CHARLIE
(loud snoring)
Zzzzzzzzzz.
The lesbians look around...confused...unsure of what to do next...
LESBIAN 1
Are we done?
LESBIAN 2
Charlie are we done?
LESBIAN 1
Can we go now?
They fade away.
SCENE: KARL ON PHONE
KARL
I'm listening.
(beat)
I'm listening.
(beat)
But George, how I'm supposed to keep employees around
here when I tell 'em they can make 1,200 a week and their
first paycheck is 300 dollars?
SCENE: JESSICA LEAVES FOR WORK
JESSICA
Charlie wake up. I'm leaving. How do I look.
CHARLIE
Where are you going?
JESSICA
I told you I have that job interview.
CHARLIE
Oh yeah yeah...you look great.
JESSICA
Okay, I'm going.
CHARLIE
Wait, wait, wait....gimme a kiss.
JESSICA
I don't have time.
CHARLIE
Just a little one.
JESSICA
No...I just did my lipstick...I gotta run...I'll see you
tonight...look for a job today...
SCENE: JESSICA INTERVIEWS-KARL STILL ON PHONE
KARL
You know, George,,,one of the reasons I agreed to come out
here was because I wanted to be in California. But, come on,
Tarzana? I told my wife it would be six months. I've been
here ten months, George. I missed my kid's last birthday.
(beat)
She's 14 now.
(beat)
Thank you.
(beat)
Listen. Just send me back to Fort Worth or bring me to
Michigan. Or send me into Hollywood. But I can't stay in
Tarzana.
Jessica enters.
Meanwhile at home...Charlie slowly gets up and makes the bed.
JESSICA
Excuse me are you...
KARL
One second...
JESSICA
Oh, I'm sorry
KARL
Listen I gotta...
(pause)
Okay. I'll talk to you later. Bye.
KARL (CONT'D)
Are you Jessica...?
JESSICA
(off stage)
That's me.
Jessica walks into the office next to Karl.
KARL
Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Karl Gifford, have a seat.
Charlie gathers laundry.
KARL (CONT'D)
So...you're an actress.
JESSICA
Well, I'm trying to be.
KARL
And you do know what it is we're selling here, right?
Charlie finds Jessicas' underwear. Sniffs it
JESSICA
Um, yeah, I know it's like herbs, right?
KARL
Exactly, it's herbs that give you bigger breasts.
Charlie starts to jack-off.
KARL (CONT'D)
They get these pills, they get this cream, they eat the pill, they
rub the cream on their breasts, and their breasts get bigger.
Here's all the paper work. Take a minute...read it
over....because I really don't want to continue until you're
absolutely sure you want to do this.
JESSICA
I'm sure it's fine.
She starts reading brochure.
Charlie is getting more into his masturbation.
KARL
Great..
JESSICA
I just need to make a quick phonecall.
KARL
Sure of course..no problem.
A woman in a spotlight pops pills...then puts cream on her breasts...Charlie is about to
cum....Jessica calls Charlie....Charlie is getting closer....Phone rings before Charlie can
cum....Charlie is frustrated....Jessica is looking at the brochure Karl gave her....Charlie
answers the phone...he is out of breath.
CHARLIE
Hello?
JESSICA
Its me..
CHARLIE
Oh hey, what's going on?
JESSICA
What's wrong?
CHARLIE
What do you mean
JESSICA
You're out of breath.
CHARLIE
I am?
JESSICA
What are you doing?
CHARLIE
Why are you whispering?
JESSICA
I can't talk loud. Charlie, were you masturbating?
CHARLIE
NO!!! I'm getting ready to do the laundry
JESSICA
Oh...really?
CHARLIE
Yes.
JESSICA
Oh, that's nice.
CHARLIE
Your welcome.
JESSICA
Thank you...so listen..I'm still at the interview...I can't talk
loud... and it's kind of weird...
CHARLIE
I can barely hear you.
JESSICA
I can't talk loud...just listen...have you ever heard of an herb
that makes your breasts grow bigger?
CHARLIE
You mean like steroids?
JESSICA
No, it's not for muscle, it's for breasts. You take this pill, you
rub this cream on your chest, and you grow an extra cup size.
CHARLIE
Really?
JESSICA
Yes.
CHARLIE
Are you serious?
JESSICA
Yes...I'm looking at the brochure.
CHARLIE
Does it work?
JESSICA
They say it does but I can't imagine. You think I should do it?
CHARLIE
What's the pay...?
JESSICA
He says you can make 2,500 a week.
CHARLIE
Well, of course you should do it.
JESSICA
Charlie, you know they always lie when it comes to
commission. 2,500 probably means 800 if you're lucky.
CHARLIE
Do you get to try the product for free?
JESSICA
Excuse me...
CHARLIE
Do you get to try the product ?
JESSICA
Why would I try the product?
CHARLIE
Oh...I don't know.
JESSICA
Why did you say that?
CHARLIE
I was just...
JESSICA
You think i need this product?
CHARLIE
No.
JESSICA
You think I need bigger boobs?
CHARLIE
No...
JESSICA
Then why would I try the product?
CHARLIE
I don't know...I was just asking.
JESSICA
You're a fucking asshole?
CHARLIE
I was kidding.
JESSICA
No you weren't
CHARLIE
I was...
JESSICA
You think my tits are too small.
CHARLIE
Of course i don't
JESSICA
I know you do.
CHARLIE
I love your tits.
JESSICA
No you don't...you want me to have those oversized ones like
your sister, Christine.
The woman from before is in a spotlight studying her own breasts
CHARLIE
No I don't.
JESSICA
Fuck you...I'm hanging up.
SCENE: WOMAN USING THE PRODUCT
The woman in the spotlight is now measuring her own tits.
SCENE: JESSICA LEARNS SALES
While this next scene happens Charlie, at home alone, blows up a love doll and dresses it in
lingerie.
KARL
You okay?
JESSICA
Oh yeah, I'm fine.
KARL
Shall we start?
JESSICA
Great.
KARL
Okay, heres your script...go to page 3...Okay...I'll be the caller
and you try to sell me. Okay? Okay, ready, ring, ring,
ring...you answer the phone...say Hello...
JESSICA
Hello.
BILLY BOB
"Yes hi, my name's Billy Bob, can you send me information in
the mail about your breast product?"
JESSICA
You get calls from guys.
KARL
Oh yeah. Husbands, boyfriends, transvestites.
JESSICA
Transvestites?
A transsexual in a spotlight...pops pills and puts cream on his chest
KARL
Oh yeah, all the time...okay...so...let's try it again...
Now imagine you get some mousey housewife on the phone
and she goes,
A mousey housewife appears in a spotlight.
CUSTOMER 1: MOUSEY HOUSEWIFE
"Well, I'm very interested but I'm afraid I have to talk to my
husband first."
JESSICA
(reading)
"Ma'm, I completely understand.
KARL
Jessica, stop, you sound like you're reading.
JESSICA
I am reading. I thought you wanted it word for word.
KARL
Yeah, but not like a robot. You gotta act it. You gotta
connect with them. So when some lady says...
CUSTOMER 1: MOUSEY HOUSEWIFE
I gotta talk to my husband first...
KARL
...you say, "I know, if I spent 800 dollars without talking to my
husband first he'd kill me, too."
JESSICA
But I'm not married.
KARL
So?
JESSICA
So should I just say If I spent 800 dollars without asking "my
boyfriend first" ...
KARL
No, Jessica, just lie. Tell them what they need to hear, so you
can make the sale. So if they're from Indiana, tell them you're
from Indiana. If they're getting divorced, tell them you just got
divorced.
JESSICA
But could I get in trouble?
KARL
For what?
JESSICA
For lying.
KARL
I thought you were an actress.
JESSICA
Yeah?
KARL
You're not lying, you're acting. Okay? Okay, last one. Here
we go. Let's pretend you get some broke-white-trash-person
on the phone...
(whiny)
...and they go,
New woman appears in a spotlight on phone.
CUSTOMER 2: WHITE TRASH WOMAN
"Um, 800 dollars is a LOT of money!"
JESSICA
"You're right! 800 dollars is a lot of money for something if it
doesn't work for you. However, if you break it down it's like $4
a day. You're worth $4 a day, right?"
KARL
Good, that's good. Okay, let me hear the closers.
JESSICA
(reading)
"Wouldn't you love to wake up six months from now with the
cup size you've always wanted?"
CUSTOMER 2: WHITE TRASH WOMAN
Well of course I would. But it's a lot of money.
Music cue begins.
JESSICA
(reading)
"But after looking at all the benefits, this system really does
make sense, doesn't it?"
CUSTOMER 1: MOUSEY HOUSEWIFE
I think it does. But I gotta talk to my husband first.
KARL
Push harder.
JESSICA
(reading)
"Then maybe you really don't want to grow an extra cup size?"
CUSTOMER 3: A TRANSSEXUAL
No I do...I do.
KARL
Perfect.
JESSICA
(reading)
"So it really does make sense to get started right away,
doesn't it?"
CUSTOMER 3: A TRANSSEXUAL
I think it does.
CUSTOMER 2: WHITE TRASH WOMAN
I guess it does!
CUSTOMER 1: MOUSEY HOUSEWIFE
I hope it does!!!
JESSICA
So lets get started!
KARL
Very nice.
SCENE: CHARLIE AT HOME-MUSIC-I'M YOUR BOOGIE MAN
He does a strip tease for the love doll.
SCENE: BREAST SIZE HEREDITARY
Kimmy enters in her bedroom. Dials phone and music fades out. Phone rings. Jessica
answers it.
JESSICA
Hi thank you for calling ATHENA, how may I help you?
KIMMY
Yes I saw your ad and i was curious about buying it .
JESSICA
Ok..um...how old are you?
KIMMY
14...
JESSICA
14?
KIMMY
But I'll be 15 next month.
SCENE: KARL ON PHONE
Karl is now back in his office, on the phone.
KARL
Hey George, it's Karl. Did you talk to Wilson?
(pause)
What did he say?
(pause)
You tell them how much I hate Tarzana?
(pause)
You tell them about the cash flow problem
SCENE: CHARLIE SLOW DANCES WITH LOVE DOLL
Music bleeds on to next scenes.
CHARLIE
You move so well...your welcome...you smell nice. You have
beautiful breasts...you know that? Can I touch them? Are
you sure? Wow...they're so soft.
SCENE: BACK TO JESSICA.
She is still on the phone.
KIMMY
My mom has really small ones and I'm worried I'm going be
the same so do you know if its a family thing...like does it run
in the family?
JESSICA
I don't know Kimmy, I'm not a doctor...
KIMMY
I don't want to look like my mother when I get older.
SCENE: CHARLIE AT HOME WITH LOVE DOLL
They are now sitting on the edge of the bed.
CHARLIE
..how old are you? 14? You're so young? We shouldn't be
doing this? But its not right. Can i taste them? Are you sure?
You won't tell anyone? Okay.
SCENE: KARL CONGRATULATES JESSICA
Jessica heads home.
KARL
Congratulations, Jessica. You sold four today! You're above
par.
JESSICA
What's the norm?
KARL
Well some of the idiots in here can't sell two a day. I've had
people who couldn't sell four in their first week, so I'd say,
things look very promising.
JESSICA
Well, thank you, Karl.
KARL
And I want you to know I listened to a few of your calls.
JESSICA
Any comments?
KARL
Yeah, you're a pretty good liar.
SCENE: BACK TO CHARLIE
He is fucking the doll.
CHARLIE
Oh baby, I love you...you're so hot...oh baby...oh yes...oh yes
oh yes...oh fuck.
He cums. He pulls out. He rests. The he begins to deflate the doll.
SCENE: PROSTITUTE
A prostitute dressed fairly slutty is putting on her final touches in preparation for a date.
SCENE: CHARLIE SETS THE TABLE
SCENE: KARL CALLS HIS WIFE
Karl also fixes himself up for a date. He puts on some cologne and buttons his shirt.
KARL
Hey honey, how are you?
(listens)
No I'm just getting ready for bed.
(listens)
I'm so tired. I had a very long day.
SCENE: DINNER WITH CHARLIE AND JESSICA
Jessca comes home from work.
JESSICA
Hi. Sorry I'm late. The traffic was a nightmare.
CHARLIE
No problem.
JESSICA
Mmmm that smells good...
CHARLIE
Thank you.
SCENE: TINA AND KARL
Knock at Karls door. Karl opens the door it is Tina.
TINA
Hi. Sorry, I'm late. The traffic was a nightmare.
KARL
No problem.
(pause)
Mmmm...you smell good..
TINA
Thank you.
(pause)
I've never been to Tarzana before. It's interesting.
SCENE: DINNER CONTINUES
JESSICA
(very thoughtful)
Why would you name a city Tarzana? What could that
possibly be named after?
SCENE: TINA AND KARL
KARL
So do I pay you now or...
TINA
(pause)
Uh...they didn't tell you...
KARL
Uh...no...were they supposed to...
TINA
Yeah, I'm not supposed to discuss money.
KARL
Oh, sorry.
(reaches in pocket)
Well here's your money so...
TINA
I'm not supposed to discuss money before we do it...you
know...in case your a cop...
KARL
Oh...I'm not a cop...
TINA
Ok. I'll just take it now. But I'm not a prostitute, okay.
SCENE: CHARLIE AND JESSICA
(pause)
I talked to a lady today who wants to get surgical breast
implants for her fourteen year old daughter and she was mad
because her doctor wouldn't perform the surgery.
(pause)
I also got a call today from an 86 year old woman in
Pensacola who wanted to know if the product would help
tighten her breasts.
(pause)
Another person just called to talk.
(pause)
I got another call from someone who wanted to know if I had
the number for small claims court in Pittsburgh.
(pause)
And then I got a call from a guy who wanted to know how big
my breasts were.
SCENE: KARL WITH TINA
KARL
You have beautiful breasts.
TINA
Thank you.
KARL
Does everyone tell you that?
TINA
I wish they were bigger.
KARL
They're perfect.
TINA
Thank you.
KARL
Are they sensitive?
TINA
Not really.
KARL
My wife had really sensitive nipples.
TINA
Your wife?
KARL
My wife...yeah.
TINA
What do you mean, had? Is she dead?
KARL
No no no.
TINA
Are you divorced?
KARL
No...we're still married...it's a long story. It's boring.
(pause)
Are you married?
TINA
Me?
(laughs)
No.
(pause)
I don't want to get married...It scares me...All the married
people I know are miserable.
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Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.